I apologize for the shitty journal entry you are about to read, it's just I need to vent to relieve so stress without taking it out on anyone. No one deserves to be vented to unexpectedly, so if you want read on haha.
So lately, I've been feeling this tiny build up getting to me, and it's been bothering me..and I feel unmotivated most times, liek studying for atest..although this is reasonable since my teacher makes us take horrible notes, but that's not the point.
I'm probably just over thinking things, possibly because I have four exams coming up in January, but sometimes I feel like I'm just going to break unknowingly and just smile outward and keep things bottled up. I hate troubling people in real life about my problems and just post them here, in this journal. I just rather not anyone feel like they need to comfort me or anything sympathetic..I don't want sympathy from people who don't know why my mind is so boggled. It's a strange feeling that I can't express. Sometimes I'll just have weeping spells // flowof emotions followed by tears// if something small triggers it..like a memory basically. Sort of like how you listen to a song that thinks you of something that happened, good or bad..you may get tears of hate or joy, it's a 50//50
And the fact that I haven't seen my dad in almost a year //whom my mother just reminded me..when I only thought it had been a few months// might be adding to the stress load. I just don't want to pick up the pieces if I do go 'boom' it's like I need to purposely smile and nod saying 'everything's all right' just to keep others out of my head, they don't need to worry about it.
which reminds me of last Christmas, I had the flu and I get very nauseous with it. I was asked by my mom to come to my aunt's for dinner..I probably ate two bites before running to the bathroom..my aunt's attempt at 'comforting' as despicable, considering she was trying tell me, that I had an eating disorder because I just so happened to puke up two bite of what I ate because of the flu. It makes me angry when others jump to conclusions like this and don't have their facts right, they should listen to the story first hand.
Anyways, I apologize greatly for the ranting//venting! I just needed to post this somewhere, I promise next entry will be much happier..it may be art related..or just random whatever stuff~
 strawberry monochrome · Sun Dec 13, 2009 @ 11:17pm · 0 Comments |
