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Ari & Himeka Chou - Ari's Edition - Currenty; Almost done |
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I lived in a small town, a bit far from the populated area of the city. I guess you could say a 2 hour or so drive? I never understood why my parents decided to stay here. Why even buy this place? For all i know, i lived here all my life. ever since I was born up to this day, that i'm writing about my life. It's been rather quiet lately. Now with Himeka gone that is... I knew, My parents knew, Everyone knew. We all knew she wasn't going to live long. Ever since that accident, she's been looking in bad shape. Taking her to the E.R. was one thing back when that happened, but coming back after years later, just to find her die five minutes we took her in. It was heartbreaking. Mother cried for days, Father doesn't let me do anything anymore. He's afraid it'll happen to me too. But, sometimes I hope that it will. Life has never really been great since the accident. Losing a twin, someone that just by looking in the mirror, they still live. i just hope that this will all be over.
I remember that day like if it was yesterday, or so last night.
It was supposed to be the day of our cousin Lilliana's sweet sixteen, Himeka and I were born into a rich family. Being rich to Himeka wasn't the most amazing thing in the world. To me, it didn't mean anything. And no matter how many dresses and skirts my parents would buy, i would try them on, and take them off as quickly as possible, never wearing it again. But, Lilliana was close. She was closer to Himeka than I was but she still treated me equally. Our parents got us a new pair of dresses. I refused to even try it this time. To me, mines was pretty plain and innocent. Something that I am not. We were only nine that day. And Himeka acted like an adult already. She told our parents to wait outside our room while she tries to sort things out. They trusted her and did as she wished. Himeka explained why it was important for Lilliana. I refused. That is until she said 'Please? For me? after this you won't have to wear it anymore.' That caught my attention. But seeing how Himeka wanted me too, i did.
I walked out of the room with my hand in Himeka's while wearing the plain, innocent, white dress with small dark blue ribbons. It also had brought a headband as well. They say it suited me, but i thought otherwise. I thought it was hideous. But it was only for Himeka and that was it. Himeka had one a bit more pretty. Black and white with a large sun hat. Her skin was always so sensitive to the heat. Making her burn up easily. which was why she got the ones with long sleeves and stockings. But i guess it was ok. the only thing i really hated with all my heart were the shoes. But i guess i can live with them.
My parents were surprised to see that Himeka actually got through me. They just had to get some pictures. They took us into a large room that we went into many of times. it was a large room with photography equipment, a few fans, and large white sheets and walls. I didn't smile. They took picture after picture, flash after flash. And yet i didn't smile. We were going to be late but my parents wanted me to smile. Me and Himeka began to talk as they kept taking pictures. Himeka then said something my mouth soon curled into a smile smile. and FLASH! They took the picture right then and there. what was it that she said? 'Lilliana's waiting for us... the faster the smile the faster we leave and you get to change.
Right when it was over, he hopped into the car and headed for the party. It was a long drive. But i guess it was worth it. Watching as everything passed by and being with Himeka that day was great. We soon arrived, and to my surprise, Lilliana was nowhere to be found. Me and Himeka both asked our parents where she was, and they explained it was only part of the ceremony, we had to wait until she comes. I thought that was stupid. But Himeka didn't mind. So didn't as well.
It seems like Lilliana took her sweet time. Because it doesn't take a girl five hours to get ready. But what i didn't know was about everything she was doing since the sun came up. Getting ready, getting the dress, photo shoots, church, it was a lot of things to do. But her entrance was pretty cool. she came in carriage. Just like that one that you see in Cinderella. Only that the back isn't a pumpkin and everything was real. Even though i doubted the driver's hair was even there. God... rich guys and they're need of hair. The rest of the party was good i guess. great food, nice music. It was pretty normal for a rich party.
Me and Himeka were starting to get really tired though. We were so tired, we were barely able to open our eyes. To try and wake myself up, i began to eat. Himeka then fell asleep on my shoulder with her hat on her lap. i kept eating as if she wasn't there. The adults soon took notice at how tired were and a family friend of ours volunteered to take us home and leave us with the maids. Himeka tried her best to stay awake as she walked to the car, i did so as well. It was rather late and the party was still going on.
Me and Himeka were walking with our family friend as we passed the horses that carried Lilliana to her party. Himeka was dragging her sun hat and the ribbon on it was undone. For a certain reason, The horses went berserk. That was the one time during that party i regretted. My reflex caused me to quickly let go of Himeka and run. As i let go, another part of my body told me to stay so I involuntarily held onto Himeka for an extra second and that caused her to hit the ground. When i looked back, all I saw was a terrified child and a horse standing on it's hind legs. The front legs of the horse came down and landed on Himeka's leg. From our point of view, it looked like it missed. But Himeka screamed so loud, her voice began to crack and it suddenly stopped.
Everyone rushed towards Himeka and decided to take her to the hospital. It was the tragedy of the party... and i took full responsibility and regretted it deeply.
When i finally got to see my sister in the hospital, which was a few days later, she was asleep, yet she still looked in deep pain. My mother cried as she explained to the other adults in the room what has happened to her and what they were planning to do. My father was working and Lillana was at school. Only reason i wasn't at school, one, i'm home schooled, and i had an emergency. I took a seat and sat next to her that day. i lowered my head as i started to play with my fingers. Feeling sorry and praying she'll be ok. I was attempting to hear what the adults were talking about. But it was difficult.
All i heard... was horrible. Himeka's legs were paralyzed and the shock when she was screaming at the time, caused her to be a mute now. Having a mute and paralyzed twin... and knowing it was all your fault... it was a horrible feeling. I began to blame myself. I just had to let go. I just had to run. She was always there for me and i wasn't there for her. That small second... that small second ruined both of our lives. I cried that day. My mother took notice and told me 'Honey, you're going to ruin your dress... do you want Auntie Hailey to get you some ice cream?' I had a dress that day. In case she woke up. In case she woke up and knows how sorry i felt.
That's when i decided what to do with my life.
I couldn't live with the guilt and i wanted Himeka to still be the happy girl she used to be. I would always be by Himeka's side and tries to make her happy. Playing simple games with her that doesn't involve much of the legs or spine. Games such as playing cards, Tic-Tac-Toe, and everything that was nice and simple. I never left her side. And another reason for her, and my parents to be happy, i wore dresses. Only dresses. And nothing else. i burned all of my other clothes and made sure i wouldn't go buy more. Only doing what Himeka would be happy for and what she is able to do. Everything else? It could all go to hell for all I care.
I was in every picture with Himeka, i was in every room, every appointment. I was everywhere. My parents always tried to leave me home so i could learn and their money won't go to waste. But i always found my ways. Ways through the house like no one else. I know every inch of the house. Surprisingly, this house had secret passage ways through the whole place. and the only one that knows about it is me. No one else even bothered to look at the details. I found it all by accident. After the first time i fell through a passage way door, i have been paying attention to details and know where everything is. It becomes a great escape route for anything.
Everytime I’m with Himeka, it’s like having a small child with you. You must always pay attention to them and make sure they’re happy. If not, you’ll feel sorry, especially me. I remember a few times where Himeka tried to speak. I always told her to not worry about it. I understand what she says completely, we’re twins am I not correct? We know each other better than anyone else. I know she felt bad for me as much as I felt bad for her. Sometimes she worries me… she always thinks she is able to do what she used to if she just tries. But that only made her worse. There’s also a certain vibe I get from her. It’s almost as if she’s telling me to go back to how I normally was. But I always shook off the feeling.
So, life was pretty difficult at first, but we soon got to fourteen years. That’s when everything started to go down hill.
Himeka began to act differently and I always get a different vibe from her than before. She lost her appetite for a few days and she takes more naps. We just thought she was getting sick, which happened a lot so we didn’t worry. But one day she woke up sweating like a pig and a fever that no thermometer can tell. We grew worried and took her to the hospital. The doctor’s believed she was fine, but they were going to let her stay for a night. As soon as the doctor has told us that, me and my family were debating on how I should go home. If anything happened… they were at the hospital already. But after a few debates, my mother soon grew frustrated and let me stay. That’s one way my stubborn self was able to still show itself.
It was a long night. I didn’t go to sleep until five in the morning… only to wake back up at seven. I look around to see Himeka beginning to eat again, but mother was nowhere to be found. I get up and stretch, stretching up high and headed out the room to see the doctor and my mother talking. I tilted my head for a minute and had an urge to go over and invade the conversation, but I couldn’t leave Himeka alone… So I stayed by the door and attempted to listen in onto their conversations. Whatever it was, it was making mother cry again.
As she walks back I ask her what they were talking about. She only gives me a piece of paper. I look at her confused as she cleaned her tears the best she can so she wouldn’t worry Himeka and a look down at the paper. I opened it up slowly and calmly, even though my heart was racing. I soon notice it’s a doctor’s not with some of my mother’s writing on it. I first read mother’s writing, since it might dum it up for me. But it only said ’I knew you wanted to know so I asked for a copy. Please… don’t… and that was it from mother. It worried me. She didn’t finish her sentence. That’s when my heart rate shot up and I quickly skim the doctor’s note.
My heart sank as I read it. I couldn’t believe what I read. I couldn’t believe any of it… Himeka was… going to die soon. For a moment I thought the doctor probably miss-calculated or made a mistake! Probably even got the wrong patient! But… This doctor has been with us ever since we were born. And she was a great doctor. It says Himeka was worse than the first few weeks after the accident. I thought it was impossible… but coming from the doctor that knows us the best, it had to be ninety percent true. I covered my mouth as my eyes widened. My world was coming to an end. What am I to do if Himeka’s gone from this earth? What would I do? Who would I protect? I was lost and confused. Almost as if I was in a maze. A major labyrinth. I thought I was going to die on the inside.
I tightly closed my eyes as I attempted not to cry too loud. Trying not to alarm Himeka. I took in a few deep breathes and sighed. I wiped the few tears that slowly rolled down and I sighed once more. I walked over to Himeka’s bed and looks over at her. Just wanting to cry once more. But I only showed a reassuring smile and sat down next to her. Telling jokes and playing a few cards. Trying to keep her happy and out of mind.
It almost seemed like Himeka noticed a change of aura in the room. But paid no mind to it. She coughed a few times and soon fell asleep once more. Me and mother were a bit calmed down as she slept, but still nervous and wrecked. Mother told me to head downstairs for a few minutes and get something to eat. I somewhat protested but my stomach disagreed. It took me a while for me to actually leave the room before coming back two seconds later to make sure everything was o.k.
When I finally reached the cafeteria, they had everything. Well, everything that’s known in America. Being hungry, but not wanting to spend too much money, I only had some chicken tenders and a salad. I walked over to the cashier and paid for the food. The cashier gave me look that somewhat urked me. I could tell why though, it’s probably by what am I wearing. I mean, not many people wear such dresses such as mines, especially in white. And I can only imagined what my face looked for a moment as a handed her the money. It was either a serious face, an angered one, or one that is rather worried.
 iBrBz · Fri Jul 16, 2010 @ 02:30am · 0 Comments |
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