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Oh I wish I could get my Red Mage wears down sad , I think I'd be such a freaking bad a** with my red wizards robe and hat, my bad a** level would be like 900!!!!!!!! *le Sigh* Now to go gold fishing by leaving random quotes!
Caitlin Bree: Can I use the bathroom?
Randal Graves: Sure, but there's no light back there.
Caitlin Bree: Why arn't there any lights?
Randal Graves: Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at 5:14 every night. Nobody can figure it out. And the boss doesn't want to pay the electrician to fix it, because the electrician owes money to the video store.
Caitlin Bree: Such a sordid state of affairs.
Randal Graves: And I'm caught right in the middle - torn between my loyalty to the boss and my desire to piss with the lights on.
Caitlin Bree: Well, I'll try to manage.
Randal Graves: Oh, hey Caitlin, break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. Nothing personal.
Randal Graves: Melodrama coming from you is about as natural as an oral bowel movement.
Dante Hicks: Hey, whatcha rent?
[reads the cover to Randal's videotape]
Dante Hicks: "Best of Both Worlds"?
Randal Graves: Hermaphroditic porn. Starlets with both organs. You should see the box. Beautiful chicks with dicks that put mine to shame.
Dante Hicks: And you rented this?
Randal Graves: Hey, I like to expand my horizons.
Dante Hicks: It wasn't me.
Caitlin Bree: [scoffs] Yeah, right. Who was it? Randal?
Dante Hicks: [to Randal] Was it you?
Randal Graves: I was up here the whole time.
Caitlin Bree: You two better quit it.
Dante Hicks: I'm serious.
Caitlin Bree: So, we didn't jus have sex in the bathroom?
Dante Hicks: No.
Caitlin Bree: Stop it. This isn't funny.
Dante Hicks: I'm not kidding. I just came in from outside.
Caitlin Bree: This isn't ******** funny Dante!
Dante Hicks: I'm not fooling around!
[to Randal]
Dante Hicks: Who went back there?
Randal Graves: Nobody, I swear!
Caitlin Bree: I feel nauseous.
Dante Hicks: Are you sure there's somebody back there?
Caitlin Bree: Well I didn't just ******** myself! Jesus Christ, I think I'm gonna be sick!
Randal Graves: You just ******** a total stranger?
Dante Hicks: Shut the ******** up!
Caitlin Bree: I can't belive this...
Dante Hicks: Call the police!
Caitlin Bree: No, don't!
Randal Graves: Why?
Dante Hicks: Because there's a stranger in our bathroom and he just raped Caitlin!
Randal Graves: But she said that she did all the work.
Dante Hicks: Would you shut the ******** up! Who the ******** in our bathroom?
Dante Hicks: You know what the real tragedy about all this is? I'm not even supposed to be here today!
Randal Graves: Oh, ******** you! ******** you, pal! Jesus, there you go trying to pass the buck. I'm the source of all your misery. Who closed the store to play hockey? Who closed the store to go to a wake? Who tried to win back his ex girlfriend without even discussing how he felt with his present one? You wanna blame somebody? Blame yourself. "I'm not even supposed to be here today."
[throws stuff at Dante]
Randal Graves: You sound like an a*****e! Jesus, nobody twisted your arm to be here. You're here of your own volition. You like to think the weight of the world rests on your shoulder. Like this place would fall apart if Dante wasn't here. Jesus, you overcompensate for having what's basically a monkey's job. You push ******** buttons. Anybody can just waltz in here and do our jobs. You-You're so obsessed with making it seem so much more epic, so much more important than it really is. Christ, you work in a convenience store, Dante! And badly, I might add! I work in a shitty video store, badly as well. You know, that guy Jay's got it right, man. He has no delusions about what he does. Us, we like to make ourselves seem so much more important than the people that come in here to buy a paper, or, god forbid, cigarettes. We look down on them as if we're so advanced. Well, if we're so ******** advanced, what are we doing working here?
Saddam Hussein: You're a journalist, right?
Scott: Yes, I'm a television critic for magazines.
Saddam Hussein: I understand that you hate Terrance and Phillip.
Scott: Yes, yes I do. They think that farts are a sophisticated form of comedy, but they're not.
Scott: All of these things link Terrance to the murder: hair fibers, blood samples, nail clippings, a piece of his shirt, a watch with his initials on it, a day planner with the murder scheduled, a haiku called "Time to Kill Dr. Jeffrey O'Dwyer": "Dr. O'Dwyer, time to have your head smashed in with my new hammer." Terrance, you may be a famous surgeon, but you're not God. J'accuse Terrance.
Woman: [rrom the Make-A-Wish Foundation] So, Kenny, if you could have one wish, what would it be?
[silence]
Man: What's your wish, pal?
Kenny: [muffled] I guess the only thing I wish is not to die.
Woman: What did he say?
Kyle: He said his wish is not to die.
[long stretch of silence]
Woman: Okay, and what if you're gonna have two wishes? What would the second one be?
R. Kelly: [singing] Man, this is some crazy s**t here. Why won't you both just come out the closet, they said?
Tom Cruise, John Travolta: [singing] We're not coming out the closet. You can just go away.
R. Kelly: [singing] But everyone wants you out the closet.
Tom Cruise, John Travolta: [singing] That doesn't matter 'cause we're gonna stay.
R. Kelly: [singing] Now I'm startin' to get angry, so I pull out my gun!
[as soon as R. Kelly pulls out his gun, everyone standing outside Stan's room runs away]
R. Kelly: [singing] I'm gonna give you a count to three to open this closet door, one - I'm gonna shoot you both, two - I'm gonna cap some b***h, three...
[closet door opens. With gun facing forward, R. Kelly slowly approaches the door and enters the closet. The closet door shuts]
R. Kelly: [singing] Now I'm in the closet. Now I'm in the closet too.
Well I guess that can only provide so much joy, and gold *sigh* Need more gold for the whole wizard costume!
GOD DAMN SCIENTOLIGEST!!!!!!
 Azalin · Tue Mar 21, 2006 @ 07:12am · 1 Comments |
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