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Here is a title for you. =D And an entry. |
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song+ nothing right now @-@
book+ I re-finished Juniper, I may start on Tailchasers' Song
scent+ lingering remnants of Nah Champa
quest+ Hmmm .. to get a job ;_;
upper+ er .. n.n; being alive?
downer+ no job, experiencing pain, stupid cat, blarhg ;_;
attire+ jammies <3
drink+ nay
Blahhhrrggggg. xD
Meh. ;_; I dunno if I can communicate in the English language today. I have this spot on a certain area that is causing so much pain I'm like .. ARHGGG. ;_; Can barely move. I think I'll make an appointment with Planned Parenthood to get it checked out. It's killin' meh. ;_;
Also I feel nauusssiiiated. For like the last few months. ;_; Coffee, the thing that I usually live on, makes me feel sick, so I've stopped drinking it almost entirely. Replaced with green tea and milk. I really like milk lately. @_@
And I keep waking up with fevers and blarhgness. ;_; I wish I knew what was wrong with me.
Anyhoodles. Sigh. Nana may come over today and eat dinner with us. Hamburgers. <3 Yay. Although I seriously doubt I feel like eating anything. =/ But I'm glad Nana is out of the hospital and is feeling better. ;.; I was really worried about her. She is in and out of the hospital so much I don't know how she can stand it. Everytime she gets sick again I go out of my mind with worry, secretly. >_> I'm terrified of her passing away. ;_; She's like a second mommy to me. She helped raise me. She can be crazy and senile but I still love her. ;_;
I keep having really long weird dreams. >_<;; Last night it was mostly about Rand being a mean EVIL jerk. Like I had some cattle, right? XD THAT'S RIGHT CATTLE. xD I don't know why, but I was keeping them in my bedroom. Lots of cattle. And Rand was being a jerk. So he gets a brand, heats it up, and starts branding MY cattle! With HIS innitials! I remember being so angry and outraged in the dream - for two reasons. One, that he would steal my cattle like that. Two that he would hurt the cattle so much with the hot brand. ;_;
Then later he runs off with my medication. XD I throw pills at him and he grabs them and runs away. Also I think I'm trying to get a job or go to college or something. I'm at this interview with mom and this Chinese lady. Why a Chinese lady? Well, I think she was Michelle Kwan. xD I had lied on my resume and said I was an ice skater, and so she was going to interview me. xD Meanwhile Rand is being interrogated by some police-type people for being so mean. *dies*
And the night before this I dreamed that I was Santa Clause. It was like .. weird. xD This little boy and girl come to the door and I was going to give them something, like it was Halloween, but my mum lets them in and gives them cake. I'm worried the parents will be angry that we let their kids inside. xD Mum only cuts a tiny slice and I'm upset because it's so tiny. I give it to the little boy.
Before that I was outside with mum, we were at Chase Court. I was looking west and it was all stormy and lightningy. I was trying to convince mum that it had been like that over that one spot for days, but she wouldn't believe me.
SO I dunno. xD Also I had a dream that my adoptive parents ( I'm not adopted either. xD ) were taking me and my siblings to this .. place. And they were speeding. I keep begging them to slow down but they don't listen. Then we're in this forest-clearing type place. There's this table in front of me with a little flame, and a flower half burnt. And I pick up the flower and put it in the flame and it flies away. Then I bow down on the ground all the way, and my hands dig into the sand. When I pick them up, they've made a lotus-shape on the ground. Then all these fairy children come out of the woods and we dance and frolic.
xD Weeeirrd.
Yar enough dreams. I feel really bad about my Ryuukun. ;_; He has to work all the freaking time. I can't wait to get a job, then he can get fewer hours and rest some. ;o; ... >_< I should have called Target again but I got preoccupied with trying to set up a doctors appointment.
=/ I don't know how I'll get a job and not totally screw up. With my mental problems and such. ;_; Gahh.
-Disassociative disorder
-Biopolar
-Chronic depression
-Panic disorder
-Agoraphobia >_<
arrrg. None of it helps.
I dunno.
I wish I could join a coven. I've looked around at Witchvox. I just don't see how I'll be able to make the time to commit to one. And anyway I don't know if I could do ritual with others when I don't feel much connection to Western deities. =/ I think I'm just tired of being a solitary Witch.
xD I bought an angelbow and a chain of command when they came out. There was this early frenzy and they were like 12000? X_X;; But I was afraid they'd just keep going up so I spent all my gold to get them. xD
And just now I look at the marketplace and they've gone down to like 7000. >_< Oi.
Mums gone to pick Nana up so I guess I should try to look okay. x_X Otherwise she'll make sure to tell me my hair looks terrible or that I'm really broken out or a million other things. She forgets how to not say things out loud at times.
@ Rorek: I wish I could tell you anything to make things better .. I have a feeling things will work out well though .. even if it takes a little extra time, you know? ^^ I think your babies WILL be special, especially because it wasn't like an instant thing. <3
 The Viscount · Mon May 22, 2006 @ 11:26pm · 2 Comments |
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