its so annoying. I was really upset yesterday, i even tried to make it a little obvious, just cuz i wanted someone, anyone to ask what was wrong. instead, got ignored. 2 ppl i thought would get it, would see something had to be wrong, instead 1 was so upset about something that i ended up trying to be supportive for them and the other just outright disappeared on me. all i wanted was someone to ask if i was ok, if something was wrong, anything. all i got was listening to them and asking questions i had wished i was being asked.
guess it goes to show, don't expect from others you aren't will to do yourself. just didn't think it applied to emotional support in such an odd way. don't expect others to help you threw the dark times if you cant make it threw the dark without them (no one will help anyone who takes to much time or effort, except me but im me, they aren't.)
so basically, since no ones asked or cared, ill put it here.
all week I've been trying to be more confident or at least show it. 4 phone calls, 4 outside excursions, papers signed, and 12 new people met or interacted with. even passed by the building i was supposed to go to for the 1st time and had to turn around and it got me upset and made me feel like i looked like an idiot, the same day went to the wrong floor and even miss placed a transfer on my way to an area the day before. so i feel like a massive idiot and an all around embarrassment. just so its clear, i was embarrassed and felt like an embarrassment, like people should be ashamed to know a guy that makes so many mistakes and is himself a mistake.
all that and to be in 2 places i had never been for several hours is hard. the worst was being in a room with 10 ppl i had never met for 4-5 hours and having an anxiety attack and not being able to run away because everyone was busy and i still needed to discuss things. all this stuff i did with a smile, and showing as much confidence as i could. it took a toll on me, i just needed someone to talk to, to hang out with, to just not have to try so hard around but no one wants me around when I'M the one having issues.
when im having a crises i say dumb things, and i do dumb things and i get judged for it. or at least i feel like i do, then i spiral.
so here's to all the people who didn't notice and never ask: i get it, don't worry about it. im not the only one with problems and it is never a requirement to notice me. ill still always be here for you all, even when i need it too.
WaterAttire Community Member 
|
|
