It's been almost two years since that day. The day that I told my dad I wanted to go home back to Georgia with my mom and step-dad. The night that I called my mom, hysterical with tears, to come and get me. Everything has been wonderful since then. I had a wonderful group of friends, continued writing my stories, and had a fun 8th grade.
And now, I'm back in Florida again.
This time, it's from my mother and step-dad fighting and causing the household to go unstable... I thought that, if we came to Florida, it would be for the better. I supported my mother in coming to Florida. The fighting would cease, and I'd be happy that there was no more arguing. For two months before we left, I was in misery, and sad. I had a hard time focusing on school, work, and I became increasingly edgy. I didn't know who to talk to, or who to turn to for help.
But it turns out...Things are a lot worse than before.
The reason I had left here before, was that I had no friends, no family support, no love from family, no family feeling, but one other thing: the way my dad acted. Up there, things had seemed more homely. We could sleep in as late as we wanted, and still not miss breakfast. Everyone was a general goof. My dad, I've always seen as too strict, too much like the military that he retired from. That night he sent me into tears from harsh words, I lost all the trust I had for him. I didn't want to be around anymore. Now that I'm back, he thinks everything is okay, and that I still don't hold that grudge. But now I still do, and it will probably never go away.
I had to leave a lot of close friends behind. It hurt to think that the friends I left and came back to before, I had to leave them again. It hurt Alex a great deal to.
By this point, I was trying to look on the brighter side of things. I would still have the Outlaws, the friends I've had for practically 5 years now, and the people who joined the Outlaws. The friends who gave me support. In July, when Ellis asked me out, it was like my life suddenly got better. I still had someone to look up to, someone who looks on the same level of things with me. I'm happy to have him. <3 Here's here for me. I hope all of the Outlaws are too, because they're all I have left.
I'm having a hard time getting settled into my new school. I can't grasp a few of my classes, and I'm missing my old friends. It feels lonely and quiet. I'm not used to a big city school. The people act different, dress different. And what's worse: all of my classes are different. At my high school in Georgia, I had a 4-year plan. I had all of my classes decided, what I was going to take, and a brief insight of what I planned to do after high school: Go to college for a certain profession, then go to England. What I decided to do after England wasn't really decided yet, because I felt like I couldn't plan that far ahead. And still, I don't think I can look that far ahead. But I dream. Maybe he does too.
I'm homesick. I miss the mountains, everything. Part of me just dosn't feel like I belong here. The other part of me misses my job. I had a good paying job for my age. Well, I'm 14, and I had a job as a waitress. But, no more. I was wanting to get a Siberian Huskey, but I don't have the money now. Oh well. My current dog probably wouldn't agree with a puppy in the house.
Kudos to the Outlaws, to my love, and to the family and friends that miss me greatly. <3
Matt... I'm sorry, but... I just want to go home... If I was given the chance to go home in the middle of this school year, then I would stay here, for you. So you can have time to visit, and so my high school credits don't get messed up. But at the end of the year, would you let me go home...?
View User's Journal
The Disacheivement Diary
My nighttime dreams and innermost workings...
 |
