I'm fine now, I punched a couple new holes in the wall, and cut a bit more.... sweatdrop but I couldn't help it, I rather have drank instead od cutting, but i had no alcohol, plus i can't buy it since i'm only 18 gonk but atleast i'm doing better, and my arm hurts like hell and I wish I didn't do it... but I didn't cut deep this time so you can blarry see it on cam and I hope my mom doesn't see it cause I don't want her to get mad at me.... I hate it when shes mad.... I promised I wouldn't cut and I lied cry I wish Clay was online last night it would of made it easier to deal with all the jerks yelling at me and stuff. I still havn't found my point in life but atleast I can be happier knowing my boyfriend will always be there for me.. I wish my will was stronger to tell people how I truly feel when they yell at me and stuff... but I have problems saying it to there face, it scares me to death, so i kinda let them walk all over me, not know what else to do..... cry and just complain about it in a journal entry or some thing, cause thats all i know how to do, i hate being yelled at, i rather be punched in the face or some thing instead of being yelled at, pain ether way, i rather have pyshical not emotional.... I didn't tell Clay I was depressed last night cause he was tired and I didn't want to trouble him, I'm now not sure if I should have told him any way... I feel like I have lied to him when he asked if there was any thing on my mind and I said I couldn't think of any thing, just cause I was stupid I guess, I really need to learn to talk about things that bother me, even if i don't want too, but thats only half the problem though, the other half is how i'm going to react to the problem like not cutting or drinking....
cory...
Go Diego Go! · Sat Oct 14, 2006 @ 01:58pm · 2 Comments |