...There are so many times... when I want to say that I hate you.
I think it very often, but I don't have the heart to fully commit to those words.
Now... there are a lot of things, simple things, that are reminding me of you. I would be lying if I said that I didn't think of you everyday.
There's this piano in my band room at school. You played the piano. People say that you had an incredible talent for it. Whenever I see those black and white key, your name pops up in my head. I want to smile sometimes, but most of the time I just stare at the piano for a few moments or I just leave the room. Playing the flute, because it's a classical instrument like the piano, sometimes makes me think of you. I get this horrible image of blood splattered everywhere and I suddenly shudder and try and attempt playing the flute. But its... just... I can't play it anymore. Not like I used to. I haven't made any progress with my flute at all for the past few weeks. Before I was going through almost twelve pages in my flute book in a week. Now I haven't even been able to get passed a single song and it's going to be a month soon.
On my birthday... I missed you a lot. It was selfish of me to wish for you to have stayed here long enough just to wish me a happy birthday. I just remember the gifts that you gave me and how excited you always were for me getting older.
And you... you had just had your birthday thirteen days ago. You were seventeen.
Your sister is....
...You should see what she puts up in her blog on MySpace. It would rip your heart out.
She sounds as if you were her second part. You were what she used to breathe. You were half her heart.
Why would you take yourself away from her? I just see these pictures of her and from just that I can see this look in her eyes. In her face. She just can't smile like she could before.
I want to say that I hate you. So badly. But I just don't have the heart to fully commit myself to those words.
But you know, I do. I hate you. But I just... can't... hate you. You mean too much to me, even now. Even though you did this to yourself. And... you didn't just kill yourself. You killed every single person who was close to you. Did you think about them before you...? Did you? Didn't you know?
 MythicalYoko · Tue Apr 24, 2007 @ 05:41am · 2 Comments |
