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~sigh~

I'd like to pretend everything's okay, but it's not. I can't really mention it, because it seems so pointless to say anything. I tried to... but it didn't really come out very well when I tried to explain it to James.

Yes, yes... I know I'm being vague and confusing. My bad. All I can say is that even though I know he wasn't quite thinking completely rationally when he told me that he didn't believe me about me loving him, it still hurts very badly to think about it. It still hurts that even after being cheated on, lied to, and mistrusted, and still able to say that I love him, something I've never said to anyone and meant it that way, that he could disbelieve me. Even if it was only for a moment, it still hurts.

And now when my heart was filled with happiness thinking about him... I only feel sadness. I feel like he's broken my heart... even though I don't think I should feel that way. But I don't want to tell him that... because I know it'll only make him feel bad. I guess I'll get over it... but it still hurts. It's scary, because I've never been hurt like this before. I don't know what to say... but I'll handle it. There's always a way out. I'm not emo, and I'm not stuck in the stupidity of life in the same way everybody else is.

I guess I'll be okay.