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domokun it just eats the time up hu?

hey,

i have been away from the computer again. it seems that my social life is crap. and i baxically couldnt give a rat about my boyfriend. ok he's not even my boy friend any more. there ! i said it!
-ok now for the upset-

MY birthday is comming up, i dont have money. i'm like not getting anything! sweatdrop and it's my sweet 16. so i'm probably gonna cry alot. and i just want to die. it's horrible. i;m not getting anything i want. i want to go to one collage but my dad is ,making me go to another. i dont want to go. and then i need to have money and a job for that. crying i really dont want that many people knowing about the things that im feeling. i dont want to have alot of problems but i do. and then mandy is hurting herself again. im not eating again and i want to start .....the entire hurting myself... OK THERE ! I DO! I SCRATCH AND CUT! im just having alot of problems, my best friend is gonna be gone on my b-day. and then i cant have many boys over either. i want to do all these things with my b-day but no one is gonna come. crying i hate my life, i know i dont have it that bad, but i'm phsyco and that makes it very hard. i hope i have study hall! >< i dont want to be so upset. i need a break from school, i had to work all spring break. and i was actually sick on my sick day.

......i just need to not go to acen. i want to but then i dont want to.
i just dont know any more. you know? gonk ahhhh! i just cant live like this i would rather spend the 150 $ on comic books and goth clothing then i would be alot happyer!
crying but i want to make my friends happy. and i never get to do anything with my friends. and when im not there, they do something really fun with out me....then i cry because i feel like i jynx all their fun. that when i'm not there that they are really happy. so....what do i do? do i cry cause i'm left out and have no friends or do i go and cry because i ruined their time? i feel like everything that i do is ruining their lives! crying
oooo i wish people actually read these.
there are rumors going around that i am a pure blood lesbian, im not but i wont defend myself. just because i feel more like a boy doesnt mean that i really like girls.
oh! another rumor is that ashley and dan did somethin reeeeeaaallly bad at jessicas party. now i have troubl;e talking to her. cause i thought that she was smarter than that. should i ask her?
anyways.....i dont know what to do...and then i just feel like i cant do anything.
ok to sum everything up, it's my party, so i'm gonna cry
i dont want to go to acen
ish and dan did it
and then....i wish nightcrawler was real because then someone could love me for who i am and then i wouldnt have to stop eating, and he would care and make me eat and.....i just need somebody to love
somebody, who's somebody, who loves me,
crying i just want someone, to be mine.
ok i have to go i love you guys,
i just want to be loved back....really..... ~Love Day