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Yeah... things do change in the blink of an eye. I mean this saying that life is unpredictable. I think that this year has brought the most impact on my personal growth as a person and in understanding myself.

These last few weeks have been rather impacting, especially since the whole fact that I'm going to be on my own in August, managing my own finances, sharing a living environment, making sure that I pay stuff on time, and other stuff like that.

I think this last week has been a rather shocker. I mean to say is that this week my mom got a call saying my cousin was going to jail for running someone over with a car, killing him. This cousin is over the age of 30, which was quite a shocker to me because of not realizing how I've been sheltered of issues in my family (both sides). I think just now that my parents have just been more liberal on what they say about other people.

Another thing that happened was that I woke up lazily late one day and my dad comes home early and says, "Did ya hear?" I had no idea what he was talking about.. but one of his friend's sons.. the youngest... had died in what was either an accident or suicide. The weird part of it was that it was deja vu... because someone else died earlier (a few months ago) and he was another childhood friend, and both their names were Jeremy...

Everyone says that I have a lot of things going for me, and saying what I should do, but I have to be careful and decide what I want. I've been looking back and I've notice a lot of things about myself... like I haven't been doing what I like, what I wanted to do, or expressing what I want to express. I've just been in this shell for a while, and I'm finally breaking it away. ******** anyone who says I'm weird... everyone's weird in their own way... but you know.. most people hate anything that's different because they don't understand.

I mean I haven't been what most would call "true to myself" and I think that's what's hurt me overall right now. I think I'm going to have to remember that for the most part, and I can't believe I forgot that when I entered high school, knowing what I knew going into high school.

But I'm not saying that high school, or anything that I've seen or felt in high school was bad, or that my family is full of bad people. No.. that's not it, I'm saying that there's a lot of things that happens to everyone, whether they are good or bad.. but learning from mistakes and good fortunes and not giving up on what is important to you and your dreams... that is what I know I must do now.

I know that no matter what I must never give up on myself.

Gah.. I'm just rambling now, but I think it's a good ramble, since now I'm feeling better... but meh.. like anyone reads my journals or gives a s**t... not anymore anyway. Psh... what am I saying, no one ever did give a s**t, and the ones that do... they don't go on gaia... so bleh

If you care.. PM me.. I'm out