have realized...
I'm too messed up.
Too messed up to face the world.
What can I do?
Should I fix myself?
No.
It's been tried and tried again.
Psychiatrists, therapists, psychiatric coaches.
None have helped.
All have hurt.
They all drown me in self-loathing.
I hate myself, but I don't want to.
I love myself, but I don't want to.
People say,
"He's suicidal."
I say,
"I'm not...But pretty damn close."
My "friends" just laugh.
Call me names.
What kind of friends are they?
They're just like the others,
as if there were no difference.
The opposite of friends.
I've lost sight of what friends actually are.
It's all just a mix of people,
becoming colorless.
Empty.
The decision is final,
they should be the ones to suffer not me.
Anyone with such low morals,
should be damned to the depths of hell.
But...Is it just as wrong to have a self-esteem just as low?
Yes.
For no one hates them.
They have no enemies.
I could be their only hope of learning what true hatred for one's self is...
But their life,
cut short.
That's not to be suffered.
By no man nor woman.
If anyone takes satisfaction in blood,
let it be live blood.
For when the blood stops flowing...
death follows.
I take the feeling of pain and blood,
as reassurance that I'm still alive.
It's just as feeding the flames with blood,
as though it were gasoline.
The pain...
So horrible on the outside,
yet so wonderful on the inside.
It is the only thing that gives me pleasure.
The only thing giving me hope.
My mind is taken away from this hellish world,
and placed upon the thoughts of life.
For a body without out life,
is a body without blood.
And a body without blood,
is just another corpse among the huddled masses of the Earth.
And I begin to think...
There's something honestly wrong with me,
with people,
with everyone,
with the world.
(Warning: Don't take this seriously. It just makes me feel good to write this king of stuff.)
[img:b28c45b117]http://img197.imageshack.us/img197/1359/ixionobjection.gif[/img:b28c45b117]
 LordStripeyTail · Sun Jul 08, 2007 @ 04:22am · 3 Comments |
