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This is me who will talk in third person... Just a little thought or random entry... I guess...
I am what they less wanted me to be, the more they pushed, the more they formed what I am now, something far great to be held, something worthless to be followed. I am more than I wish I could be... I am less than everything I want to be...
I sang you my whole heart, through romantic words a perfect poet could write, but your lack of comprehension got in the way, making the words I said meaningless and turned into dust, I then looked at you as tears ran down my face, asking why can't you understand every single thing I try to say, no matter how easy I make it, you just don't get it. I turned away and you asked why, my simple words were "You just don't understand..." My heart left unspoken, broken, I just turned away and drowned in my tears, I wanted to tell you straight, but if even the simple things I wrote out for you, you couldn't understand, I couldn't wonder in the future, when or if I even become a writer, if you'd ever understand my complex love Poems or even Letters from my heart.
Around this light I walked over to the shadows, giving my self away to it, I became tainted in blood stains, black rains. I sat down under a willow tree, where my hopes all rested in peace, where I sat and wrote, everything my heart spoke. My thoughts of you ran over my mind over and over again, as if I couldn't push them all away, once and for more, but they kept taunting me, haunting me in my sleep, evading my dreams, crossing over my realms, saving my in my nightmares. I slept for many hours, for when every time before I woken up, I dreamed about you, happy beginning into an unfortunate ending, in which I woke up and ask God why would he let me dream this way about you, if you and I both know we cannot simply be. Even although my mind knows that... my heart became addicted to you, as if every time I talk to you another hope comes up... but teared down by the simple reality.
I've fought so hard... so long for nothing, becoming something as a friend isn't enough for me... because I truly, deeply, madly do, yes, I do but... thats a risk I can't make, I know you love me as a friend, and I don't want to make a mistake and take our friendship away, so my shattered remains will stay, hidden and sorrowing for everyday to come.
I looked up to the deep blue sky, as I began so cry, my tears running down to my face, up to a narrow phase, I held my self, my arms covering my chest, my arms covering my face, the rain fell down as the sky turned silver gray, I fall down into my knees, sorrowing and sniveling. The pain of this love is excruciating, its tearing me apart and were not even a 'we', I guess my mind has lost its reasoning, but my heart is picking up its few pieces and trying to make this work... but we all know it wont...
I cry lonesome, crawling back into the shadows death tree's arms, since it comforts me in my tearing moment, I gave my soul to it...
 XxX-Kris-XxX · Wed Jul 11, 2007 @ 04:20am · 1 Comments |
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