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Okay, Im extremely bored so here's a thought Ive been putting some serious thought to it...
Alright, let me begin. I've been wandering and searching for a while, and I dont know if to really be something Im not just to find happiness, to venture out and see if my happiness lays in what I evade the most, I mean, who knows right? Anyways, perhaps I should stop liking boys, to like them as only friends, and start going to a Bi or so, why? Dont ask, personal reasons, everyone has them. What if something greater happens if I do that? If I find what Im looking for and perhaps even more? Or should I slowly drift away from everything and eventually suicide myself? Or should I grow old from feelings and become heartless instead? Evading everything I once held dear, throwing away the future I want so much, killing the bit of hope that was left in me? As if I held down my arms, letting fall on me the hopes and dreams I held up so high, and now are so low and lost. Stood there in front of the kitchen, looking at the silvery "goodness" , tainting me into its playful game, spill the blood from deep within me, to everything that dwells within me, killing me slowly, and yet again rapidly, as if I fell into its deadly tune, music of doom. Was standing in mere feet, looking at the other floors down below from so far high, the air mocking me into believing Im just another, that Im not strong enough to face the mere fact and just jump down into the nothingness and let my self die, just like that. To drug my self into stupidity and suffer a slowly, painful death that runs through my veins, killing me slower than thought, getting rid of every bit in me. As I held my last breath, into it slowly, getting rid of it as I close my eyes, and then you holding me in your arms, watching me die, regreting not listening to me, blaming yourself into not helping me and not believing me, getting closer to my dead body and letting those watery, saltery things going through your eyes and running through your face. Then going to my grave and wonder what has become of me, remembering that painful memory that only seems a nightmare, in which you blame yourself and I, I just stand there, suffering, regretting what I did...
Well... Or just stand there and wait, as I slowly turn into a petrified stone, longing to be free and search so willingly for the one I shall call "My True Love"... No matter how far I have to go, no matter what gender it awaits me, no matter how it looks like, not mattering anything at all...
Seemingly, I am blinded, folded my eyes into another world, dimension, dream into a nightmare. My tears running down my unbeautifully face, my hair covering most of it, my arms fallen down letting everything hurt my hated heart, the broken shatters of it remain everywhere, within every step I make, slowly lifting my feet making them walk, every painful step, walking on a silver cold string, hanging carelessly into life or death, undecided on what I want, I look down just to think what could be best for me. Many thoughts race through my mind, both good and bad, telling me what I should do, but then again, what should I really do? My memories now only seem to turn into unwanted demises, rejected rapidly out of my mind, scattering them all over everywhere. I question who could possible understand all of this "non-sense" in which I have written most of me, perfectly assembled by the insanity of my understated mind, written by the shattered remaining pieces of my torn up black heart...
 XxX-Kris-XxX · Tue Jul 10, 2007 @ 05:04am · 2 Comments |
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