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Great songs to listen to while driving (from "With Teeth" NIN)
- Getting Smaller
- Only
- The Line Begins to Blur
- You Know What You Are?
- Every Day Is Exactilly The Same
- THE HAND THAT FEEDS.

Crap, I love speeding to that song. xd

Or not speeding, it's just delicious to drive to. whee Because Fayette County, in general, is very turny. And speedy. heart

I'm pondering cleaning out my friendslist. Or just. Not having friends. Dunno why. Maybe because I hate some people. :O Maybe because I don't care. :O

Ehwell.

Craaaaaaaahhhhhdaaaaaaaaadieeee.

I drove around for 4 hours today. Lookin' around, driving past people's houses, s**t like that. Great fun. (:

I'mma makin' a list of the s**t I wanna do before I die. And, if I had the money, I'd do it all this year, so I could just go ahead and go.

No, I'm not depressed. I just don't care.

I've gotta short-term goal of living to 21. Wee, 2 years to go. biggrin Make your peace NOW, ********. :B

CRAP. Maybe driving isn't the best for me. It gave me time to look at some of the things in my life and say, "Hey, I don't need this, I don't want this, I don't know why I put up with this."

So, I'm not. biggrin

And it's an interesting feeling I've got -- not happy, not healthy, not depressed, not sick -- I just don't care and the apathy seems to lifted a good chunk of burden from my shoulders.

And its nice, at least from the inside. Sure, I don't like where I live -- but I'll deal, like I have. And I'll move out, sooner or later. Until then, I'll occupy myself with my car. I don't like not having a job -- but, I'm looking, and I'll fix that soon enough. I don't like my family, but when they get to me, I'll just get in my car, blast some music and drive around for a couple of hours. I don't like some of my friends that I concern myself with -- so I just won't bother with them anymore. I don't like being single and lonely -- but hey, I'm getting out and doing s**t now. I don't really need someone to validate my life right now, by having a witness to it, to make me feel special. I'm not living for someone else to feel good --

I'm living for me, ********.

I'll never be a science project again -- I'll never change my religion or addictions or habits for anyone else again. Never again. I won't try to make myself pretty for anyone else -- I'm losing weight for me, I'm working out for me, I'm dieting for me, I'm not trying to attract anyone, I'm not aiming for more attention from the world.

I just want to look like me. I feel like me on the inside, I know me, I know what I want and what I have and I'll deal with what I don't, but I don't look like me yet. Give me til August or so, then I will.

And, I feel that if you don't take the time to show that you care about me, I won't waste my time standing up for you or trying to flatten your feathers when you get offended -- I'm not going to do one ways.

Am I being selfish?

Meh, I think it's about damned time. I do care for a couple of you, and you should know who you are, but others -- well, don't get too cocky on our friendship, buddy.

Why, yes, I am serious about all of this. Am I going to completely speak my mind? Where will the line be drawn on Jess's inner thoughts?

Right about here. This is all you get for the next month or so.