My heart...leapt in the middle of our relationship though...I fell in love.
This is not puppy love where you go, 'Aww...he loves her...ok that's it' No...this was one where it was like the beginning of the rumbling of a strong volcano of flooding love...as in I could feel my heart throbbing and longing just to talk to her on the phone. She lives...several...miles away from me.
I long for her...I want her...I need her...and we've only talked for a week or two! I cut it off though...I told her that I cannot talk to her anymore...that we can never speak again.
Why? Because I am fragile...and long distance relations never work out. Guys if you're reading this and you're wishing you looked like me (Not being egotistical) take back your wish...because when you look like me...you become thoroughly egotistical...and then you become insecure. Insecurities break up relationships...and Stef means too much to me.
I felt like I stabbed myself when I called her and told her I could not talk to her...and even now...I am crying. Yes...a man admits when he cries...and though I am far from a man...I will openly admit that I am leaking from the eyes right now.
I could call her...and tell her that i've re-thought it and that I really DO want to talk...which I do...but I can't...sacrifices must be made to make things better...and this pain now...would never compare to the pain after I broke up with such a lovely woman...and it would hurt her as well...because I know well that I would screw up a long distance relationship...i've neither the patience...nor the will...to do MY end of the relationship...and I don't want to hurt either of us.
Stef...forgive me...but I fell in love...
For all you drones who don't read and just look for a picture...here it is...please enjoy the tear in my eye...if you can spot it. It's on the right.
She drew this before the death of my heart...thank you Stef, and here it is for the viewing public.
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