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For all of you that might read this, be warned that I'm really not happy right now.

Ok, so where do I start. My stupid grandpa, my cousin, school, friends, or just life in particular. I guess I'll start in that order. Well my grandpa has a medical problem. His kidneys stop working so someone has to do what they like to call "Paratenial dialysis" I don't even know if that's spelled right. And well my whole family (Note that it is a huge family (he has 12 kids)) pointed their finger at me. At first I said ok cause nobody else wanted to do it. And ontop of that I was going to get payed so I said "Hell yeah!" but what I didn't know is that by accepting I would have to get rid of my "life" so to speak. I had to get 4 days off of school so that I could know how to do the exchange, and if that wasn't enough it turns out that my grandpa wants a babysitter. (And he's not disabled in any other way.) So he is taking advantage that I'm doing him that favor. At first I took my cousin so that I would have someone to talk to but he said to stop. Then I took a book so that I could read and he said to stop. Then I went out one night with my friends and couldn't do the exchange at night and I haven't heard the end of it. And this morning I was running late to school and i told him that I couldn't put everything away and he bitched the entire day!!!! There is only so much I can take!

And today my younger cousin overdosed. Luckily we took her into the E.R. just in time. I was just finishing doing the exchange when my cousin called me that she was scared and didn't know what to do. I asked her to slow down and she told me that her younger sister drank too many pills. You see she suffers from multi personality and she said that "her other her" made her drink the pills. Since her brother and I were the oldest there we took her to the E.R. Luckily she is doing much better now but she sure scare the s**t out of me.

School is just adding to my stress. I wish I could just stop going. And i really think I'm going to get independence studies because I am just way behind in credits. And because I can't go to night school thanks to grandpa I need to figure out another way to do it and that seems like my only option.

One of my friends in particular is getting in my last nerve. stressed

And my life sucks. I feel overwhelmed with everything and I just can't take it! I'm just happy I'm sane enough to know that what is going through my head isn't the only way out. And I miss someone so much and it sucks because I don't think I'll ever be able to see him again. And i hate actually writing this because some of my closest friends can read this. And I can't cry in order to take it out because it makes me feel weak. Especially when I'm at home. And I rarely have some alone time. And I swear that if I didn't write this down I would of burst and did something really stupid.

Thank you for reading my misery...