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I broke my relatio ship with my, well now ex, girlfriend yesterday.

I couldn't take it anymore. I can't make her happy.

She loves me so much, but I can't return those feelings. That is why I broke up with her. She gave me so much, but I coulnd't give anything in return.

I hate myself for it, I feel selfish, dirty and cruel.

But I couln't continue it.

She said almost everyday how much she loved me, and everytime I heard it, I just couldn't say it back.

I love her, but I love her like a sister or a normal friend would. It just doesn't reach deeper than that.

I wish things were different. That I still had tht giddy feeling of being in love. But I don't. And it is better to break up and hurt her now, that keep it going and going, and hurt her after. Because after will cause more pain.

But I still feel sick and...not myself.

I think I have to much on my mind.

My mom is visiting my sister in Curaqau, and I am als here, with my other sister and her boyfriend. We have to take care or our 40 pets, and take care of the house. We also have school next to that and on top of it, I have my tentams.

I am not sure if I am going to survive this week, and I am not ure if I even want to.

I just want to lie down and sleep untill there is no tomorrow.

See yah