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I Don't Know Anymore, I Just Don't Know
Okay, i have this friend who's all 'i'm stuck having an arranged marriage, nothing can change that' yet she seems to flirt with people like when you try to hate guys and the way you act towards them doesn't push them away but pulling them closer.... anyways, i hadn't confirmed that til' i introduced her to my bf, okay, now she seems to flirt with him, he doesn't seem to notice, and i've gone all cocky again. idk why but i always go cocky when i'm jealous.... i don't know anymore. i give up, watch, she'll probably end up making me die a virgin if i never get married. *sighs* she followed me from my old school to my other one, she followed me from her non-laptop class life to my laptop-needed class. i don't know anymore, i just give up. meh, i give up, she can have him if she wants, i don't need him, i don't need her, i don't need anyone, i'll just die now, before anyone care, i'll runaway to a place where nobody will know me, i'll live my life, strong, i'll never give up my life with suicide, never. suicide is my way to forfeit, living is my way to show life i can take it by the horns and play it til the end. she'll probably end up reading this but I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she'll probably be mad at me and never want to be my friend ever again but I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! if i never write in this journal again, if i never say a single word to you again, if i never log into my Gaia account again, i'd have run away, i'd have made a new life, i'd have been somewhere unreachable, somewhere where the world stops, the earth doesn't turn, the air is frozen, and the people are gone. i'd have been on my own planet, in my own life, living it the way i should have a long time ago. Goodbye.
Then again.................................. it's all a dream, a dream of mine too vivid that even i don't understand.... it's true, i don't understand, i never have.......... she could never do that to she would never do that to me, she's too goody-goody, maybe it's just the thought of what my sis has become that scares me, my sis used to be goody-goody too, just like my friend, it scares me to hell....... vividness scary vividness, memories i can't control
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