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"Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the Universe and he'll believe you. Tell him a chair has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch it to be sure."

"Logic is a systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence."

"The purpouse of war isn't to die for your country, it's to make the other side die for theirs.

"If it jams, force it. If it breaks then it needed replacing anyway."

"Maturity means not thinking the other guy is a loser because he disagrees with you."

"If the fate of the world rests in the hands of today's youth, then I can't see the world lasting for another hundred years."

"If winning isn't everything, why do they keep score?"
- Vince Lombardi

"You cry, I cry. You laugh, I laugh. You fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder."

"The other line always moves faster."

The diference between humor and tragedy is that humor is when it happens to someone else."

"Who ever said that words don't hurt never got hit by a dictionary."

"It's strange isn't it? You stand up and scream in a library and you get asked (told) to leave. Do the same on an airplane and every one joins in."

"I'm free of all predjudice. I hate everyone equally."

"The internet: Where men are men, Women are men and Children are FBI agents."

"Behind every successful man is a surprised mother in law."

"There are no stupid questions, only stupid people."

"Tact is the art of making guests feel at home when that is really where you want them to be."

"It takes 46 muscles to frown, but it only takes four to flip 'em the bird."

"Never go to a doctor whose plants have died."

"If barbie is so popular then why do you have to buy her friends?"

"A computer once beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick-boxing."

"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that your's is stupid."

"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
-Adolf Hitler