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I like to think that I am a fairly moral person. Of course, my definition of "moral" is almost garunteed to be nothing like anyone else's, including yours. For example: We were talking about why Macbeth makes such a great play. The bulk of the argument is that only a complete idiot or a real simpleton would claim that he wouldn't kill someone if he had a really good excuse. For Macbeth it was the Witches. I was only half paying attention to the conversation and so I said: "I wish I had a really good excuse." I was jolted into awareness of the real world when the entire room broke out into what might have been either uncomfortable or genuine laughter, I still don't know. I was entirely comfortable with the fact that I had just stated, without actually saying it, that I would be all good to murder some people in cold blood if I had a good enough excuse for my actions (yes, I have considered insanity but it seems over-used and unlike you cool kids who happily claim insanity, I've only been accused of it) possibly including some of the people in the room who had just laughed at my bland pronouncement that I was going to kill people, just as soon as my brain kicked into gear and coughed up that one good excuse I've been looking for.

With that said you now probably agree that my morality is different from yours. If it isn't, be sure to tell me when you come up with an excuse. At the very least, I like to think that I am fairly good at faking morality when necessary. Do not dissuade me from my delusions. So I've grown up hearing that I should not judge books by their covers (except that I am physiologically incapable of doing so and marketing people spend loads of time trying to exploit this fact) or people by what they look like. I have grown very good at not judging people by what they look like. I think. I'm probably wrong.

So, if you, like me, having been told not to judge people by first impressions or what they look like you may begin to wonder: So, when is it okay to start judging people? Or, if you're me: I wonder when it's okay to start hating the new girl?

I have decided to come up with a handy scale of reference to ease your conscience. No, I am no moral diety, and despite my status as Almighty I cannot say that I am correctly interpreting the moral teachings of god here. But I do know one thing: A lot of things seem much more acceptable when you know at least one other person who does them. That said, here we go:

Things to consider before you start hating someone...

1) How long have you known this person?
(Define known: Have actually met in person, spoken to, interacted with or had a supposedly unbiased account of actions taken by this person.)

2) Have they ever done anything that affected your quality of life?
(ie. Making embarrassing comments or jokes about you, harming you physically, stealing from you, deterring your friend's attentions from you to them, causing you to have to pay an inordinate amount of money for something to little reward. etc)

3) Would it bother you to be one of those people who hates people for no reason?


How to determine if it's okay:

1) If you have known them for more than two weeks or interacted with them in close quarters for upwards of four hours (not necessarily consecutively but probably at least an hour at a time) you may feel free to move on to the next consideration. If not: Please wait....

2) If the answer is yes you may now feel free to hate them. If they have done something to affect the quality of your life more than three times you may feel free to plot revenge against them. I suggest small, innocuous, but obnoxiously annoying things they simply can't stand. This usually works for me. If the answer is no, please move on to the third consideration.

3) If the answer is yes then try hating them in secret for a while and see if anything changes. If the answer is no then congratulations, you're a sociopath, you may feel free to hate whomever you want and reconcile it anyway you desire. I do. You may think this could get you intro trouble if, perhaps, you discover later on down the line that you don't really hate them. This never bothers me. I do not hold vendettas until the end of the earth. I hold them until the end of reality. If reality changes, and therefore ends, I have no problem getting over my hatred and trying to figure out what the hell is going on in this stupid absurdist play I've been dropped into. If anyone got the book a previous student wrote notes in I'll pay good money to know what they are.