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Even though something said wasn't meant to depress me, or was even meant for me in the first place - has depressed me. Perhaps its the heat that is doing this...but I'm at the point where I just want to give up on life. Period.
What have I accomplished? Nothing. I try looking for work - supposedly someone who doesn't know how to speak English is more qualified at a cashier than I am. The only way I can get a job is through someone else - even then they wouldn't help me.
I keep trying to drive, yet all I do is make my father mad at me. I'm not good enough to handle a large vehicle, and all I get is s**t.
I honestly want to go to UCI, its been my dream since middle school. With all this s**t IVC has thrown me...I feel like my dreams are even furthure away...
Looking at my feeble existance is just...depressing. I have friends, a home, food and all that stuff, but nothing to really be proud of. I know what is to come, its the words that I hate hearing...I hate hearing "keep trying" or "you'll get a job if you try"
What happens when you try?
And fail.
What then?
How am I supposed to feel?
To be honest, I feel like s**t. Complete and total s**t right now. The rich get richer and the poor get pooer. For some reason Neji from Naruto comes to mind. His rantings about how you can't change fate...but then Naruto comes to mind too about how you can if you try.
But I am trying, and nothing is working. Perhaps I am not good enough to work at a ******** fast food resturant. Or anywhere for that matter. I'm getting to the point where I'll work for below minimum wage - even if it means me just getting a meager paycheck. I need to get a job so I can support my schooling, as well as my family. I worry about them everyday, hoping that my dad doesn't come home saying me lost his job.
But what pisses me off more is people making fun of my meager life. I'm sorry if I don't like in a house, or in a good neighborhood, or even have a car that RUNS. I can't afford new things, or good things for that matter. My dad works hard for a living and gets little out of it. There are some people that have it easy, and some that don't. And rubbing it in my face that I have nothing is only going to piss me off more.
Sure, there are people that have more or less than me. But it is in human nature to get more, to live better. I'll be happy just to move into a home, not a duplex, a real home that my dad can be proud of. I want to go out there and make money so I can make that happen for them.
And seeing people rub it in my face, just depresses me to the point where I think I can't do a damn thing. I just want to scream at them so badly...but what will that accomplish...nothing.
If only I can work on my minor dream of starting my own business...
A resturant perhaps...a deli...something...
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