Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Recently I went to dad's wifes 50th.

All good right? No. It seems I've been elected as the embarrassing relative who mortally offends everyone and instead of mentioning it to me... they go and whinge to my step mother about it. Like she can do anything.

Long and short... if they've got a problem with me... tell ME about it. Don't pester the birthday lady.

That to the side.

I didn't really want to be there. I was pmsing, exhausted, overheated, zombieish and stressed about how I was getting home. Public transport on a Sunday in stinking hot weather... yeah, that'll be fun. I felt like CRAP! I would have been perfectly content to give her my gift and go... but I can't do that cause I don't have a car.
Besides... I like eating out with T... (who was my ride to get there) and she talked me into it.

I am NOT a social person. I DON'T do polite chit chat, especially with people I barely know. I would have been perfectly content at an empty table in the corner but I made the mistake of hugging a lady from church who promptly invited us to come sit with them. Silly me.
She was at one end while T and I were down the other which didn't exactly help.

I do admit that reading the book at the table was probably rude while we were waiting for the food but the message it sent out "I have no interest in interacting with you" to the people across from me was a valid one. These are Irene (my stepmother's) friends and family, NOT mine. I only went to support and celebrate her 50th with her. Besides... the book gave me something to focus on and kept me from falling asleep while we were waiting for the food (a time in which I am usually terminally bored) and after T had gone (she had to leave for work) and i was waiting for my ride home to finish with the chatting and socializing. When I'm tired all I want is to do what I came to do, go home and fall down.

I sooooooooooooo need a car.

I swear, I don't know how people do the public face thing. To me, unless I'm genuinely interested in the conversation, polite chit chat is something inflicted on me... not something I do voluntarily. I don't mingle, I don't socialize. It just doesn't happen. Especially not with people in the vicinity of 20 years my senior who I have nothing in common with.

The only other parties I've been too... apart from family birthdays, are the sort where mum and her friends get drunk and get high... and then nobody really cares what I do or if I'm there anyway. Not much comparison with one where half of the people are oldies from church. confused

Apparently I also bumped someone with out saying excuse me (oh horrors) which if it happened was a complete accident... I certainly don't remember it happening. Nor did I smile for the camera when this random lady is wondering around taking photos.

Well, EXCUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSE ME! If I feel like crap i don't smile. I can't hide it the way some people can. if I feel crappy I LOOK like I feel crappy.

Bluntly put. I couldn't give a toss if I offended some random relative or fiend of Irene's. The only thing that I might care about is the whingy little girly girls went and annoyed Irene. It's like 'Halloooo, 30 odd, adult. Dah!' Got a prob with me... come talk to me.

Still, since i don't have a job or a car of my own yet I'm still one of the 'children' in the eyes of these shmoes... Eh, well, whatever.

Come to think of Irene was pretty tetchy today as she wanted to chew me out but didn't' dare because of dad... What's up with that? I'm a big girl now... perfectly capable of defending myself. She doesn't have to get dad to play intermediary anymore just in case she says something she'll regret. I don't mind her telling me exactly whats on her mind as long as she doesn't mind getting as good as she gives. Maybe that's why dad's still doing the intermediary bit. I guess some habit's are hard to break.
razz

That gets to me too... that I'd never have known I'd mortally offended these people and that 'Rene was upset if dad hadn't told us why she was being such a total cow today.

I don't go out of my way to deliberately offend... I just don't put on company manners, that's all. Dad gave me this thing about being a good Christian and how we should seek to make people comfortable and get to know them and blah blah... Except that when I'm tired I REALLY don't care. I'm only able to focus on one thing at at time. Sit, order food, do something (like reading) to stay awake, eat and chat with T (who I was splitting food and bill with), drink and then find somewhere out of the way to sit after T left, while the lady who agreed to take me home socializes, read some more to stay awake. That sort of thing. I'm the same in heat. I dress modestly most of the time... except for if it's stinking hot... then I wear as little as I can get away with because heat and weariness both turn me into a zombie.

Next time I'll just send my gift with T. WAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY more trouble that it's worth... or hey, maybe I should really act up next time. Give them something to get truly offended over... or is that petty and childish.

Anyway. I'm sick of the snarking and back biting... i might not care if they have a problem with me but at least they should have the decency to speak to me if or when they do. The same with Irene.

Ahhh. I feel better now. ^_^