Hey. Well even though Serentiy is much loved by people, she got no gifts for the special day today. I'm not writing this as Serenity, but as my real self. Natalia Briell Coles. This entry will explain a lot of what I go through. Well this one won't cantain all of it, but some of it. More will be revealed as we go along throguh the year of 08.
Well to top of my suckish V- Day, my peers in my classroom just find it fun to laugh at the way t I talk. It's not my fault that I talk the way that I do. I was born with it. They always want to know where I come from becuase they don't thing that I come from Philly. Well I'm Philadelphia all the way. Born and raised. So what if I talk differently. Sorry to say it, but the people who do it are the ones that I think will end up shot, in a hospital, or on the Springer show not knowing who their baby daddy is. Sorry that I may sound so insulent(sp). They can't stand me because I talk different from the way that they do. I'm not going to lower myself down to their level. That's why in class, I stay to myself. I don't really bother anyone. I hate the world sometimes. It's not even everyone's fault. I just wish that it was all peaches and cream sometimes. Instead I feel like I should go gothic until I can figure myself out. I still don't know who i am or what I am trying to be. Doesn't anyone even care? If I died would they all even care? Would they cry for me? They tell me that I am a good person to my face and then go behind and talk about me. I can the tears coming as I write this and my throat is getting tighter. Why do I always feel this way? And then home is one of the last places on earth that I want to be. I don't ever feel loved when I go home. Now I feel like I turn to my friends at school for somthing that they can't provide me with. I don't want to put them in my drama. That just wouldn't be right. Life is hard not knowing who you are, who want to be, who you are trying to be, or what society makes you out as. I don't know any of thouse things. They all labeled me before they even knew me. Sometimes I wish that I could rum way from home. or even commite suicide. I know that's not a good thing to think but it is so true. Yet, somethign stops me and that's the fac taht I wish that my life would get better. Still not sure why I exist. I wanna run away from home sometimes, too. The fact that I don't have enough courage is what stops me. I don't know where I would run to. No more here. I jsut need to shut donw for a few days. Bye
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 Midnight Magdeline · Fri Feb 15, 2008 @ 12:20am · 1 Comments |
