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So, right now, I just felt the need to write something and basically get some feelings about what I've been thinking about all day off my chest.
Lately, I've been thinking about this guy that I used to go out with named Corell. We stopped talking for a little bit because I felt like there were things he wanted from me that I was in no position to give to him, nor did I feel like I wanted to give him these things that he was asking for. We haven't talked for months, but lately, he's been popping up on my Facebook newsfeed, which has allowed him, slowly, but surely to re-enter my thoughts.
We haven't seen eachother for two years, but that doesn't mean I don't miss him. and I auctually like him a lot more than he knows about, but I feel like he just won't recognize that. We used to get along so well and I feel like we should be able to get a second chance at that, but there is probably like no way in the world. I just have the feeling that he is completely over me and is like so ready to move on, but me.... I still like him and it's really not fair.
He won't talk to me, or call me and silly me deleted his number in a moment of rage, but how wrong could it have been if at the time, I felt as if it was the best thing for me to do?
Truth be told, I cheated on him back when we used to go out, and he just wanted to continually hold it over my head. He said he forgave me and I honestly thought that I was beginning to forgive myself, but him continually bringing it up made me feel as though he feeling were the opposite of what was coming out of his mouth. Nothing could have pissed me off more, but I was willing to work through it. Then he called me up one night around about two o'clock in the morning wanting phone sex. Was this kid really serious? There was absolutely no way that was going to happen when he didn't even have the decency to ask me how my day was at first.. Then he just hung up on me because I said no and I was tired. Like that really just left me feeling like he wanted me for nothing more than sex which was probably true, but now I genuinly want him back. Nothing I want ever happens though, so why should I auctually expect this or hold my expectations?
If he ever knew how deep my feeling ran, this kid would never leave my side, but people are who they are and they do want they want to do. I can't force someone to like me when they really don't. Anyway, I guess that's it for right now fellow Gaians.
Peace, Love and Everything in Between,
Midnight Magdeline heart heart heart heart
 Midnight Magdeline · Tue Aug 14, 2012 @ 12:11am · 0 Comments |
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