My guiltiest sin, the sin I know will most likely send me to hell. It is the fact that I hold absolutely no value on my life. I do not care about my life, what I do with it, or how it will end.
This also means I do not care or value anybody else's life. Aside from the very few people in this world I have loved, those lives I valued more-so than my own.
At the risk of sounding like an emo, i'll have to be honest and admit that I do wait happily for death. Inside I hope that it will come soon. The tragedy is that I am healthy as a ******** horse. It's not that I am depressed, or just bitter at the world. I am simply tired of everything in my life.
I have no aspirations for the future. I don't plan ahead. I gave up on dreaming five years ago. I don't try to escape anymore. There's nowhere to run. All very dramatic sounding, I know.
I can't stand what kind of person I am now. I'm so tired of trying to find where blame lies. I hate my demons. I hate my skeletons. I miss Ruka... I miss my dad... I am endlessly regretful for all the people i've hurt. And despite all this, it exhausts me that I am numb.
...That's all
edaaz · Mon Mar 03, 2008 @ 01:30am · 0 Comments |