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Venting... I never thought I would, but I need an escape.

Saying it to Schayla while she slept was no good.

And dunno if she'll read this... i dunno... but i am just venting whatever's eating away at my head at the moment.

I feel like a bad boyfriend....

I didn't cheat on Schayla.
I never abused her.
I never want to do anything to bring her any pain at all.

Then, why do I feel like s**t at the moment?
Its not anxiety that streaks down my face at this very moment.

Look at me.

I am that one guy outta all his friends that really takes the importance of Promises to heart and based my whole life off of it. And yet...

"Please don't make me anymore promises. It hurts when..."

And my whole body just stopped. My mind became entangled in a never-ending ball of twine & vines.

"... don't make me ... promises ... it hurts..."

I said what I could to mend that situation. To make her feel better.
But it killed me so much inside. I felt like I was no different from those boyfriends you hear about on TV.

I can't even look in the ******** mirror anymore and still say "Schayla's Boyfriend" with a straight face. It hurts to say "I love you" with this pain in the back of my mind.

I can't stand myself. I feel so disgusted.

"I guess it can't be helped." I always say that, but I WANT TO BE HELPED.

With things as the way they are now...

...how can I ever move forward?

Tearing in class is not very becoming...
I might as well just sleep in class so no one sees my face.
I'll update this later... if i care enough to.

I just hope I can work out things.