Waking up this morning...
All I felt was dread.
My stomach was (and still is) churning.
I feel lightheaded.
And I feel anxious.
Something's happened...or something will happen....and it's not going to be good.
call it intuition...
or call it morning sickness
but..I can't shake this nagging feeling...
That something's gone horribly wrong....
~~~~~
That..along with the fact that I've been dreaming lately.
It may not be strange to you, but I usually wake up only to remember darkness...
not small bits of a dream.
And in this dream...
The thing I wish for most happens.
And when I wake up...I want to cry.
Because I know that in reality, what I really and truly wish for....
hasn't come true...and I'm afraid it never will.
It tears me apart...and I almost want to do something...drastic....
maybe to soften the blow of reality...
And I want to talk about it...
But I'm so afraid of the harsh feedback...the opposite of what my dream consists of.
I'm such a coward...and it makes me sick.
Maybe I really do hate myself...
....
I wonder if this is what it feels like to be --depressed--
I just feel myself shrinking..and falling...and becoming less....
It's eating away at my soul...
and it's ripping my heart out.
---And I feel like there's nothing I can do---
All I felt was dread.
My stomach was (and still is) churning.
I feel lightheaded.
And I feel anxious.
Something's happened...or something will happen....and it's not going to be good.
call it intuition...
or call it morning sickness
but..I can't shake this nagging feeling...
That something's gone horribly wrong....
~~~~~
That..along with the fact that I've been dreaming lately.
It may not be strange to you, but I usually wake up only to remember darkness...
not small bits of a dream.
And in this dream...
The thing I wish for most happens.
And when I wake up...I want to cry.
Because I know that in reality, what I really and truly wish for....
hasn't come true...and I'm afraid it never will.
It tears me apart...and I almost want to do something...drastic....
maybe to soften the blow of reality...
And I want to talk about it...
But I'm so afraid of the harsh feedback...the opposite of what my dream consists of.
I'm such a coward...and it makes me sick.
Maybe I really do hate myself...
....
I wonder if this is what it feels like to be --depressed--
I just feel myself shrinking..and falling...and becoming less....
It's eating away at my soul...
and it's ripping my heart out.
---And I feel like there's nothing I can do---
