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I'm having second thoughts on just my art in general. Proportion wise, I feel that I make heads too big or hips to small or yadda yadda yadda. My parents and friends say that its 'just my style', but what the hell does that mean? Im scared to post my art. I don't want to be the person that posts their art and then gets made fun of, or when your showing some random art to a friend be the picture that the two of you remain silent on and switch pictures. I'm not saying I want to be 'Omg! Look at her art! Its so pretty!' But I would like to a least be....

Tolerable.

My sister is a writer, she's publishing a book and everything, and so that is what my parents refer to her as. A writer. Im the Artist, but I don't feel like one. I feel like im some stupid kid that gets help from the older kids on drawing. Actually, Im normally the one that gives tips to my peers, but I feel like a hypocrite now looking back on it. Ok ok, Im a Im a pretty good artist for a 14 year old, but I what I wish is to be better than 'pretty good'. I want to be able to draw proportion. I want to be proud when I post my art up on the internet. I want my heart to skip a beat when someone says 'that's really good', instead of feel like they're just saying it to be nice.

I posted something about how I will draw peoples avatar for some gold, for quests and stuff, and this girl asked for a sample of my art. I showed her my Dev and she never replied. For some reason that just broke my heart. Not long before that I drew something for a friend, for free, and she didn't seem to moved by it. I feel somewhat that my heartache for the fact she doesn't like it very much is selfish. Im better then a lot of my friends, art wise, and I just heartbroken that one person wasn't pleased with something I drew for them.

I think that's why I feel this way, that my art isn't good enough. My friend didn't react to a picture I drew for them like I thought they would, so I took it as she didn't like it and that meant I wasn't good enough to want to publish a professional manga. Recognizing why I feel this way doesn't really make me feel better. Not worse, but not better.

~Henada