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Sometimes...I find myself wondering why I am here.

It makes me a little annoyed with myself the more I think about it.
Just hating more of myself.

Because I sound so depressing yet I know I'm just trying to find my place in the world.

Then again, I see people that don't want me here.
I see them...with cruel eyes that make me shiver. Words that stab me like a burning blade. Gestures that leave me in total shock.

I don't like to tell anyone about how I am, only because I don't want my problems to become theirs. It's suddenly become a habit to me.
Maybe this is the reason why I'm boring?
Maybe...this is the reason why I'm quiet most of the time.
True, there are moments where I act totally insane and annoying.
But truthfully, there are more moments of solitary when I think about it.

Maybe this is why my sudden outbursts irritate people.

Maybe the solitary has affected my judgment. My judgment of what is truly mature and immature when I cannot control these feelings in myself.

Am I just a pest to people? Annoying and nosy...I know.

It's like...I find myself believing more and more about people actually hating me.
That they're just acting nice so I wouldn't act immature about it after.
Like crying...or bitching or trash-talking.
Are you friends with me because you pity me?
Is it just so that I wouldn't act emo and depressing?
I feel so pissed off all the time because of it. Lies...lies that are the worst than hearing the truth the first time.

I hate myself for thinking this, doubting everyone that I know.
But I can't help it anymore.

The truth...seems so far away from me now that it simply hurts.

Maybe I will find those who will truly care. Maybe I'll sort which is a true friend and which isn't...
People who will tell me that they like me for how I am, what I am and more importantly, who I am...
I can tell that I will accomplish this in my lifetime. Whether I wish it to be now or 50 years later(if I live that long, that is rofl )