Again I'm in a rather shitty mood. I know my last entry was rather...bad as well...sorry...
I'm just gonna get this all out and maybe I'll finally feel better.
Anyway...I feel very alone and unloved right now. I've had this feeling for awhile, but it doesn't usually show up unless I'm upset for some reason. I start feeling very depressed and not at all like myself. sad
I'm afraid that I'll never have a family of my own because my relationships with guys never seem to last more than a few months. I worry that I won't be able to have children because of my heart. It would kill me if I find out that I can't have my own children.
I feel like I don't belong in my family. All I do is get yelled at and s**t. No one seems to care when I REALLY need someone. I feel like I get lost in the shuffle and I don't get treated or loved the same as my brother and sister.It's hard, really hard, just for me to live here.
I hate to admit that I have thought about suicide, but I have. I always find a reason not to though. I really want to live out my life and find out how I turn out. And I know a few people that'll miss me if I die. So don't worry, I swear I will never do that.
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me that I feel like this...Anyway I'm sorry I'm so depressing today. Later smile
13Kai-Kai Community Member 
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Community Member
I'd miss you if you died, very much =(.
Stay strong.
As hard as it might be, try to think and stay positive.
Try sitting your parents down and talking to them about how you feel.
Tell them that it IS VERY IMPORTANT that they LISTEN to what you have to say.
As for the relatioship issue, my dad never dated anyone longer the six months before he met my mom, and the just had there twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.
Sometims it is better to find out that a relastionship isn't working before you invest too much time into it.
For the children issue, I know how you feel, it would upset me if I wasn't able to have children for some reason as well.
If for some reason that was the case, there is aways adoption, seregate mother, and things like that.
Also, with how technology is always improving in the medical field all the time, there could also be a way for doctors to help your heart.
Feeling happy sometimes, and then very sad at other times in normal.
That's how emotions work.
Its good to have feelings.
Your a great person, and great great friend.