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I, the p***s, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:
1. I do physical labour.
2. I work at great depths.
3. I plunge head first into everything I do.
4. I do not get weekends or public holidays off.
5. I work in a damp environment.
6. I work in a dark area that has poor ventilation.
7. I work in high temperatures.
8. My work exposes me to diseases.
Response: Dear p***s,
after assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the management denies your request for the following reasons:
1. You do not work 8 hours straight.
2. You WORK IN SHORT SPURTS AND fall asleep after EACH brief work period.
3. You do not always follow the orders of the management team.
4. You do not stay in your designated area, and are often seen visiting other locations.
5. You do not take initiative - you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working.
6. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift.
7. You don’t always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing.
8. You will slow down before you are 65.
9. You find it difficult to work double shifts.
10. You sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed the assigned task.
11. and, if that were not all, you have constantly been seen entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious-looking bags.
Sincerely, the Management
SUBJECT: Special High Intensity Training
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees through our program of, Special High Intensity Training (S,H,I,T)
We are trying to give employees more S,H,I,T than anyone else.
if you feel that you do not receive your share of S,H,I,T on the job, please see your manager.
You will be immediately placed at the top of the S,H,I,T list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S,H,I,T that you can get.
Employees who don't take their S,H,I,T will be placed in Departmental Employees Evaluation Programs ( D,E,E,P,S,H,I,T )
Those who fail to take D,E,E,P,S,H,I,T seriously will have to go to Employee Attitude Training (E,A,T,S,H,I,T )
since our managers took S,H,I,T before they were promoted, they don’t have to do S,H,I,T anymore, and are full of S,H,I,T already.
If you are full of S,H,I,T you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our Basic Understanding Lecture List ( B,U,L,L,S,H,I,T )
Those who are full of B,U,L,L,S,H,I,T will get S,H,I,T jobs and can apply for a promotion to Director Of Intensity Programming ( D,I,P,S,H,I,T )
If you have further questions, please direct them to our Head Of Training Special High Intensity Training ( H,O,T,S,H,I,T )
Thank you Boss In General Special High Intensity Training ( B,I,G,S,H,I,T )
Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?
Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
It goes in dry, and it comes out wet,
The longer its in, the stronger it gets.
It comes out dripping and starts to sag,
It's not what you think,
It's a Tetley Tea Bag.
there are three construction workers sitting on the roof.
the first one pulls out his sandwhich and says turkey again! if my wife packs me turkey again im going to jump off this building. the red head pulls out his sanwhich and says ham again! if my wife packs me ham again im going to jump off this building. the blonde pulls out his sandwhich and says peanut butter and jelly again! if my wife packs me peanut butter and jelly again im going to jump off this building. the next day the one with brown hair pulls out a turkey sandwhich and jumps off the building. the red head pulls out a ham sandwich and jumps off the building. the blonde pulls out a peanut butter and jelly and jumps of the building. at the funeral all of their wifes are crying. they were saying if they just told me they wanted something different i would have given them something else!! the blondes wife though was saying i dont know why he jumped off that building he packs his own lunch.
A little girl went to her mommy and said, "Mommy, mommy! Look, I got five dollars!" The mom, curious at where her daughter got it, asked, "Where did you get it?" The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat in the tree and watched." The mother replied, "You know, Tommy is just trying to see your panties." "Oooh," the girl said, and ran off.
The little girl went to her mom the next day and said, "Mommy, mommy! Look, I got ten dollars!" The mother asked again where the girl got it. She said, "Tommy from down the street gave it to me if I did a cartwheel while he sat in the tree and laughed." The mother then said, "I thought I told you that he was just trying to look at your panties." The little girl smiled and said, "No, I tricked him, because I didn't wear panties today."
 Vestri Infinitas Diligo · Mon Jun 23, 2008 @ 07:55pm · 0 Comments |
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