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I'm sorry, Kevin. Updated 06-27-08 Hello, my wonderful friends! Cherry here to say that I'm over it! Isn't this wonderful? I'm back to my real, normal self and I have lots of spare time now, too! I expected it to be painful but it's not. I haven't lost a thing. In fact, I sort of wonder why he hadn't ended it sooner. Anyway, below are two letters that I wrote to him, if you wanted to see them. ~~~~~ 06-27-08 sigh Love always ends in hate. I should know that. Well, Kevin, if you hate me, I can't blame you. Lots of people do, for some odd reason. I never tried to hurt you. I never wanted to. I think that this was just a mistake. Everything. You and your time travel. Who was the bigger fool? And that question will never be answered. It was you, for loving me. It was me, for not giving up. It was you, for ending it. It was me, for not ending it sooner. So I guess this is really the end? I've been forced to end something if I want to keep my dignity and pride. And my head. But it just pains me that such a great friend could end up pretty much hating me. That's what it sounds like, anyway. Do you hate me? We'll never know the answer to that, either. If you want to know the truth, when I was reading your final message, my only physical response was my heart quickening. I didn't cry, I didn't feel like crying, I didn't scream, my mouth didn't drop in disbelief. If you want to cause yourself pain, then be my guest. But you should know that all along, you were right. It is better for me to forget about you. I should probably just put you on my ignore list so that if, against all odds, you try and come back, I won't have to deal with it. Eventually, I probably will forget, and my love for you will die, extinguished by your last words and time itself. You will never just be another one of the six billion people on the earth. But you will be one of those who knew me, and left me behind. You've ended what could have been a great friendship. But if it pains you to talk to me, then it was probably for the best. If I said you were right about me not loving you, even as a friend, then I would be lying. But I would not be lying by saying that my love will eventually be no more, and I will only occasionally wonder what happened to you. Fine. If you want me to give up, then I will. I'll stop trying to make a connection because you certainly don't want one. But I'll still think about you. I don't know what else to say. Except that, if you ever get over me and want to be friends again, all you have to do is say the word and you can save yourself from days of pain and boredom. I'm always here for anyone who wants to talk. Ironically, this end has been the least painful of all. Right now I'm just siting, breathing, typing, not feeling anything. If that makes me apathetic, then so be it. I know I am not normally apathetic. Anyway, I hope you're happy with your decision. And I hope you find true love. Cherry ~~~~~ 06-26-08 Kevin, I'm so sorry. I feel really bad right now. I told you today was a weird day. But I have no excuses. I'm such a bad person. I can't forgive myself for this. I hurt the person who loves me so dearly...and I'm afraid that I've caused permanent damage. I don't want you to leave. I especially don't want you to die. So I'll try believing you, because as you pointed out, you promised me that you wouldn't kill yourself and I haven't really trusted you. Well now I'm going to try believing you. I guess this means we won't talk tomorrow, then, and your days will continue to pass by slowly and painfully. And I apologize for that. I didn't think you would react that way when I told you I didn't love you the way you love me. You didn't give me a chance to explain (as if I have an explanation). You ran away. And I hurt you. We did the two things we were supposed to avoid. I can't explain it. I just made my decision. I should have thought about it more, but the thing is I feel as though I've already thought about it enough. In the last few lines of your poem, you said: "Michele, I want you to know that no matter what happens that I will always love you with all my heart and nothing will ever change that, You are my sun and my stars, You are my ray of hope when I am sad, Your light shines brightly through my darkened heart, I thank you so much for always being there for me, I love you Michele and I’ll always be here for you till the end of time." And now I wonder if that is really true. But I'm still going to believe you about that, and your whole poem and everything you've ever said. I'll believe it. It's weird. It's become a habit to say I love you. Will we continue to say that if we speak to each other? I love you. I really do. Just like I love my friends Julia, Nicole, and Eleanor. My love for you is very strong. It will never be broken or forgotten. However, I think it might never morph into the form of love yours has taken. It will come close. But it will never be the same. Right now I just want to hold you and tell you that I'm sorry and that everything will be alright. I really want to be there for you. But we're three thousand miles away, and I can't change that in the little time I have to make things right. And even then, I'm not sure if things between us will ever be right again. But I really hope I'm wrong. I love you. Cherry

Posted by: cherry144 Thu Jun 26, 2008 @ 09:55pm

Chane + Vino
06 02 10

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cherry144
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Commented on: Fri Jun 27, 2008 @ 02:43am


	If you haven't heard, I feel sick. I'm weak and shaky...not sure what's wrong with me. I'll just listen to some music and stare out into space for a couple more hours. Maybe.

Commented on: Fri Jun 27, 2008 @ 04:08am


	I haven't talked to you in a long time. <3 I don't know what happened, or what you supposedly did to Kevin, but I can tell you're truly sorry for it. I'm actually kind of the "therapist" so to speak of my group of friends, so I'm very used to helping people with their problems. If you never need anyone to talk to, I'm here. Drop me a PM if you ever need to. C:

Auntie Crackhead
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Prince Ikari
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Commented on: Fri Jun 27, 2008 @ 09:50am


	Michele, I know you’re sorry. And I know you must feel bad right now. You were right, it was a weird day. I don’t think you’re a bad person though. But you did hurt me. I had to cry myself to sleep. And you woke me from that sleep when you called me. I just wanted to sleep though and pretend that all of this was a horrible dream. But it wasn’t. I honestly think though that you’ve caused permanent damage, permanent damage to my heart. I don’t know though if I’m going to leave or not. I mean I love you with all my heart but what good is it if I know I’ll never get to be with you. I’m just wasting my time and I’m only hurting myself. But as always if your willing to we can try and work things out. And like I promised, I won’t die. I’m not going to break that promise to you. And we can talk tomorrow only if you want too. And they will. I hate not being able to talk to you. I get sad every night when you go to bed because that means I’m going to have a lonely night. And I don’t know why you would think I wouldn’t react this way. I mean look at the situation. I mean the girl I love and care about with all my heart tells me she doesn’t love me. That hurts so much. I honestly thought you loved me and wanted to be with me. I really did. And I didn’t need to give you a chance to explain. You said it all in that sentence. There was no need to listen to your explanation. Of course I ran away though. I was hurt. This time I will openly admit that you hurt me. You actually made me start to cry when you said all of that. And we did. There was nothing else I could do though. You didn’t have to hurt me but I had to run. Maybe you should have thought about it more. You knew it would hurt me. And what I said in that poem is true. And everything I’ve ever said is one hundred percent true. I don’t know this time. Why should I say I love you to someone who doesn’t love me back? It’s stupid. And if you go and say you love me back it’ll only hurt me more because I would know it was all a lie. I hate to say this, but I don’t think you love me at all. I really don’t. Not anymore. Your love for me if it exists is very weak, practically non existent. And it will be broken and forgotten. Time will destroy it. And that is what I fear most. It’s always that way with you. You love me than your like no you don’t. You’re making this too hard for me. Maybe I’m the world’s biggest idiot for loving you. After all this people would tell me I’m and idiot to still love you. And I do still love you. But knowing that you’ll never love me the way I want hurts. I thought I was going to have a future with you and I was going to be happy and now I see I was wrong. I’m just going to be alone and miserable the rest of my life. I knew that was going to be what happened anyway but people like you and Brittany played me and gave me a false sense of hope and I will never forgive you for that. I thought things would change for the better but there not going to now. Well that won’t work. Everything is not alright. And your right about that, I don’t know if things between us will ever be right again. I love you but none of this is working. You tell me you love me and I’m happy and then you say you don’t love me and I’m hurt. You’ve become so indecisive. I can’t take that. It’s just toying with me. You either love me or you don’t. And I’m sorry to sound so blunt and stuff but I had to get out everything. You wanted to know how I felt. Kevin

Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 03:18am


	^_^ Actually, this whole journal entry should really be deleted. But I don't care that much. I thought it would be painful, but it's not. ^_^

cherry144
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Prince Ikari
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Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 03:23am


	I will say I was the bigger fool. I truly was. But I never cared. I was just the fool in love with you. And I guess this is the end. I don't want it to be I really don't. I love you and I miss you and it will be hard knowing you now hate me. But I had to end our friendship. It's like what Casey's been telling me all along. It's to hard to be friends with someone you love knowing they don't feel the same way about you. And I know you are. But I'm considering a big decision now. I'm thinking about just not having friends anymore. And just accept being lonely. And that is right, you are apathetic. And that's a horrible thing. Well I won't be happy with my decision. And honestly I will never find true love. Kevin

Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 03:47am


	Tsk, tsk, tsk. I really shouldn't even both with responding to you. It'll just get me nowhere because obviously you're not going to be friends with me, and it won't work trying to tell you I don't hate you because you won't believe anything I say now, will you? If you don't want it to end, then make it right. I'm not sure how, but right now I can't understand why it hurts too much to be just friends. I think that if you truly love someone, you'll be hurt if they can't love you back, but you'll settle for what they can give. For me it's friendship. I can give you friendship, and maybe a little more, but it won't be enough for you. And who wanted it to end? And now who's saying he doesn't want it to? Could you make up your mind? Which one is it? If you think I'm apathetic, then fine. But I know the truth. And I don't hate you. And if you don't hate me, then do you hate yourself? Everyone needs friends. Some of them are jerks. But others are friends forever. And besides, wouldn't you have lots of fun times and a few rough times with friends rather than having no friends at all? Like I said. I hope you're happy now. But things can change.

cherry144
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Prince Ikari
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Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 06:09am


	Well saying what you did at the top proves everything to me. Your happy I'm gone and you don't care. Shows how much you truly cared about me. Your so apathetic and the worlds biggest liar.

Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 06:12am


	If you say so. ^_^ I know the truth. I know the truth about me, and about you. See you 'round! And if it wouldn't pain you too much, you might want to check in from time to time. Just look at my profile occasionally. It might make you smile once in a while. Oh wait, that's right. YOU HATE ME! And that's your problem, not mine! ^_^

cherry144
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Prince Ikari
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Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 06:16am


	Well if it's a lie, than why are you so happy I'm leaving after you told me you loved me and cared about me? And I don't hate you. But I'm not going to be checking. It would only hurt me to see how happy you are knowing I will never be happy again. cry

Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 06:17am


	Umm, notice how I'm still talking to you and not ignoring you like people who really don't care would. ^_^ Really, you'll be happy again. I just won't have anything to do with it.

cherry144
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Prince Ikari
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Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 06:19am


	Okay. And I won't. I will never be happy again and I'm not putting in anymore effort into being happy. All I'm going to get is more hurt and sadness. I will never be happy again. Happiness just isn't for me. cry

Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 06:20am


	xd If you keep on being so negative, then that will really be true.

cherry144
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Prince Ikari
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Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 06:21am


	cry crying cry crying cry crying cry crying cry I have to be negative. You would never understand. You don't know what I've been through all these years.

Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 06:22am


	Aww. Look, you're starting to make me sad. Again.

cherry144
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Prince Ikari
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Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 06:24am


	I'm not trying too. But you'll never understand. I've never been happy. Anytime I am happy all of that happiness gets taken away and I'm sadder than before. cry

Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 06:26am


	Aren't you still on AIM? No one can sign out that quickly. You'd have to press the invisible button.

cherry144
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Prince Ikari
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Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 06:26am


	No, I'm not. I logged off after I sent you that message.

Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 06:28am


	Well my status message is "I'm sleeping. Or rather, supposed to be."

cherry144
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Prince Ikari
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Commented on: Sat Jun 28, 2008 @ 06:30am


	I know. I logged back in.

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