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I Don't Want To, But Then Again I Do |
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Have you ever done something ro are curently doing soemthing that you don't want to do? For example: let's say you just got out of a relationship and you are kinda anti- boys at the moment, but you walk down the street and see this really cute guy. Do you get totally confused and flip out because your doing exactly what you said that you would not do, or are you wanna those calm people who don't flip out becuaswe you suddenly like someone. You just relaxe adn take a deep breath. Do you leave it alone and say it's just my head and heart talking to me again, but no all the while that you can never really stop liking a boy.? I'm one of those people who try to ignore the problem, but all the while know the true answer, just don't wanna face it. It's weird cause you wanna be in a realtionship with someone, but you know that you can't handle. I hat it. I hate the feeling that I get, I hate the emotions that come with it, I hate never knowig if I'm okay or not. I hate everything about doing exactly what I say I will not do. One time I told myself that I owuld never cry again in my life, that I would be totally emtionless from then one. Not too long after that I found myself crying for some stupid behind reason. I hate not being told things too. Like I found out all this stuff about my dad and I hate it because I think I'm turningng out like that too. I liked it better when my life was based on the lies and truths that my family never told me about. I was much happier then and it all started finding out stuff when my stepmom moved in. I started to find out everything. All the lies, the secrets the truth. It hurts to think that the people who say that they love you, just lied to you and didn't even bother to drop hints about the truth. I have a right to know. My family didn't even tell me their religion. I found out when I was ten that my dad was baptized and that the rest of my fami8ly was too. Nearly everyone , but me. I hate when things that are gonna effect me are not made known to my attention until after everythings all decided. Like my dad wants to marry my stepmom. I don't want him too but do you think tha'ts gonna matter. He's probably gonna come to me and be like waht do you think about me marrying ms yolanda. i will say and will not care what happens when i say that it doesn't matter waht i think, taht youre gonna do it no matter what i sya so why are you here asking me this. He's probably gonna hit me, but i don't careI an hit just as hard. adn probably hader. If he doesn't he's probaby gonna say, well, i trying to give you some time to tell me how you feel, so now would be the time. i'm going to say you don't really care and neither does she. you have absolutley no interest inwhat ia think so why yore here asking me this is something i can't ever find out. youre gonna do it no matter what i thnik so really stop asking me stuff that you don't cvare about. i know he's gonna hit me then, but i still won't care.if they eer do get married im running awas. I mean it, i can't take another year of her living in teh same house as me. I don't know where i'll be running too but i do know that it's gonna be far from here.
Your totally delerious, crazy,m mad, sad, hateful, and mysterious Gemini,
Midnight Magdeline
 Midnight Magdeline · Sat Jul 19, 2008 @ 01:03am · 1 Comments |
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