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so yeah its another day down and tomorrow my friend leaves for texas for the next 8 days... i am very sad but i will see her when she returns! today was pretty fun, i got to visit with her and another good friend twice! and im sleeping over at her house again, so that i can say goodbuy in the morning! the day started great and it went along smooth for a long time. i had a really good time with my friends untill i got lost in my own thoughts( which i hate to do) and i started to dwell on something i dont like to think about and i got fairly depressed... depression for me does one of two things, it allows me to write poetry freely and with much feeling and passion, or makes me unbearably sad to the point of breaking down and crying in front of my friends (which i dont like to do either) but it did both tonight... thank god it wasnt infront of her.... but shell probably read this anyhow so shell know what was up soon enough. i know she makes me happier than anyhting in the world and she is the reason i am what i am now and im thnakful for that but sumtimes when im around her i think and cant help but be sad knowing what i know... and that the question will always be asked in futility always recieving the same unwanted yet expected answer.... like ive told myself before ill deal with it and just be happy being around her as a friend, but i will also always have that little thought flaoting through my mind occasionally dragging me down into my own darkness... peace... and love