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Now do you see Rouni? Do you see why I speak so feverently against "love"? All it causes is pain and suffering if you let the illusion of such cloud your vision...I am still here though as merely a friend...I know you may be disappointed in me...angry...I really don't know my standing in your mind though I suspect it is rather low...I don't know what to say that wouldn't sound like the cliche` "I told you so"...nothing is wrong with you...it is merely the nature of the beast known as man...they are not naturally monogemous...I am not of man though and choose my own way in this life and world...I do not stray from my path once I have a devotion set...and as to the question "Do you deserve to be happy?"...no one is never truely happy for the meaning of life is this...to live is to be in pain...to experience pain is to know this world for truth...without pain there is nothing...chaos is formed when one suffers and if there is no chaos then there is no change...without change one cannot move forward...if one does not move forward they become useless...if one is useless then they become as illusions and illusions must be destroyed for they benefit none...though one could argue there is no such thing as true pain thus existence in itself is merely a dream since none can truely live if they have no gone through such pain and if none truely lived then none could have died as well...I usually phrase it much better but I cannot think well tonight...my philosphy on life is full of contradictions...I am both the slave and master...I serve and am served...he hungers to be released...all I need is merely the proper catalyst...