-Santa's workshop gets butchered-



It was a bright, clear morning. With the snow lying like a mantle over the landscape. Everywhere the sun gazed, it sparkled like of a child’s glitter dust that had fallen over. And instead of trying to wipe it away, the child instead glued it stuck on the paper.
Icicles hung as like deadly spears from the trees in the forest and the water was frozen solid over the lake. Except for the peculiar little hole, which had been made by the departed drunken old man who went out a midnight trip the night before.
A pair of small, black-clothed feet where moving over the pure white snow, making fissures. The little all-black character stopped abruptly and turned around.
-Come on lazy legs! We got work to do! , it shouted to another character some meters behind it.
The other one flustered and puffed out some fine white steam from its mouth. It hurried a bit to catch up with its impatient companion. This other character too had the set of black, covering its body from tip-to-toe. And the two characters kept on strolling through the landscape.

The odd little beardy man in green hurried through the big building. His bells jingled for each harsh step he took and they were about to drive him nuts. Other little men, just like him, stood hectic and worked on all sorts of machines and handcraft workshops. The little man had a long, heavy parchment with teeny-weeny itsy-bitsy small letters on it. Each combination leading to a name and address. No one took any notice of him when he ran past, everybody were busy with theirs…
Therefore no one neither looked, nor asked if he was okay, when the harsh little man tumbled over his own beard, made a somersault in midst-air, and with a delightful ‘crash’ he found himself lying upside-down in a pile of dolls.
With “mama”s here and “I love you” there, he finally broke free and made his way to an office. Well… it had to be an office, since it said “head chief” on the door. But unlikely the most other offices, this was filled with paper. Not that kind of paper lying all over the place… oh who am I trying to lie? There were paper all over the place, high and low. Here and there, piles turning into each other like some kind of freak show-gone-wrong! And right in this mess, behind a desk which the feet’s was resting on and a cup of chocolate in the one hand and a scroll of parchment in the other, sat a big red ball of flesh and beard and chuckled.
The little green man quickly became aware of an unfortunate pile of papers, which had mistakenly fallen into the fireplace, and that currently were burning up. The little man yelped and hurried to drag the papers out, trying to stop the burn, but without success. Some thousand of children wouldn’t get what they wished for. Later that Christmas, when they were to look under the Christmas tree, they’d only find, he shivered, soft packages!
The little green elf turned to Santa, shoving up the list in his red, beardy mug. Some chocolate formed a brown stream in the otherwise white beard when Santa read the -parchment. And with a “Ho-ho-ho” he dropped it to the floor. But the poor, misguided paper wasn’t aware of straight gravity and went right towards the fireplace.
“Oh, how nice and warm.”, was its firm last words before turning into ashes.
The elf sighed and then glared at Santa, who stroke his beard, looking all Christmassy…
-Soon time eh? , he said aimlessly.
-Ho-ho-ho, it’s all a part of the Christmas magic. , the Santa nodded to himself, drinking another zip of chocolate.
“Christmas magic my a**! Were working our asses off out there and you just slack and wait for everything to happen! Do you have the least idea of how hard it is to power that sleigh!? NO, OF COURSE NOT! ‘CAUSE YOU’RE THE FRIGGIN SANTA, MIRACLES JUST DO HAPPEN, AND ‘CHRISTMAS MAGIC’ IS JUST ******** NATURAL! MY LITTLE a** IT IS!!!”, the elf thought for himself, clenching his little hands in little-elf-angst. He then smiled at the big fat nonworking b*****d sitting in front of him.
-Yes Santa, Christmas magic. , he replied. Then he twisted around and went out the door. Mechanically he walked through the whole Christmas workshop, out thru the big elk doors, and bashed his head into the nearest, Christmassy tree. Snow fell down on him as he proclaimed “stupid! Stupid!” over and over.
Then he sighed, dramatically lifting his fists to the night sky, and then went back in. With just a slight more headache than before.
He went straight for the stables, a bit dizzy due to tree-bashing. He was the elf responsible for… slightly everything in that workshop:
The workers, the animals, the funds, the trees, the colours… everything he had to check each day of the year that passed. There were always reindeers to feed and bills to pay. With him lots of other elves worked, those who took care of the deer’s, those who watered the plants, filled Santa’s cup of chocolate, scrawled down itsy-bitsy teeny-weeny little names- addresses and wishes to be read once, then burnt up.
Therefore the little head-elf didn’t take notice of the sounds coming from the sleight workshop, right beside the deer’s havens. “Probably check-up on the gears…”, he thought for himself when he yawned. He head for his office, farest away from the main entrance, probably smallest too… and opened the door and went in. When he sat down to rest his poor little overworked feet the interception struck him right in the back head.
No way there could be elf’s working with the sleight yet! It had only crashed twice that day!
He rushed up and ruff -opened the door, which swung right back and hit him in the face, turning his little red nose even more red. Then he hurried thru the barn and into the sleight workshop.
He lost his jaws!
Two tall, black characters were fumbling all over the sleigh. They then recognised the elf.
-Who are you two!? , the elf shout out whilst pointing at them.
The two characters looked at each other and shrugged.
-Elf’s? , one of them tried.
-You couldn’t be! You’re at least as tall as three or five elf’s on top!
-Err… Grinches then?
-Firstly, there was only one Grinch. Secondly he was green. Lastly: THE GRINCH WAS ONLY FICTIONAL!! , the little elf-man exploded, all red in his face.
One of the black characters nodded anxiously.
-So it seems… say we’re elf’s then?
-YOU COULDN’T, YOU’RE TOO TALL! , the little elf jumped up and down in anger while pointing at them with his little finger of doom and his bells jingling threatingly.
-It looks so cute. , one of the characters said, coming down from the sleight. The little elf-man started to recoil, lifting his arms to veil himself.
-Don’t come near! I know… ah, Kang Fe! Yeah I know Kang Fe you know! , he waved with his palms in the air, making fake kicks as he yelped in a very un-threatenly way.
The black character took him up, clenching his cheek whilst grinning behind the black mask covering its face.
-Sooooo cuute! ,the character squeaked as an over-exited schoolgirl.
-Yeah, yeah, leave it at that, we need to get this sleight fixed.
One hour later the characters gave up. They turned to the tied-up elf and took out the rag he had in his mouth.
-Okay mr. elf, how do we start this thingy?
-AS IF I WOULD TELL! ,the elf spat out.
-Really? , a knife suddenly appeared in the blackened hand. The elf gulped.
-Re- really, I don’t know. , he swallowed hard.
-Only Santa knows how to drive it! Not even the mechanics know how to! , the elf-man squeaked for his life. The character seemed pleased with that and smiled.
-Then we have no further need for you. ,it said calmly. The elf wheezed out of tranquil, then!
The knife moved like a slivery line thru the air and the floor filled up with blood. The deer’s nearby felt the smell and started to cause turmoil in their havens. The character cleaned its knife using the elf’s clothes and it disappeared back to the mysterious depths of its robe. It then rose and spoke to the other character, who was still by the sleight.
-So… Santa then. , it said and started walking. After a few meters it stopped in the step. Laid the head in its palm and sighed and shook its head.
-Come on lazy legs! For gods sake, is it that hard to think for yourself!? , it complained when continuing. After yet a while the other character started to move too.
The blood had stopped and the deer’s had calmed down, nothing more of interest in short.

-Ho-ho-ho? ,the fat old meat sack ogled into another pair of eyes, turned upside down. All he wanted to have, was that cookie lying on the floor, all alone… so very much unaccompanied… Now he was hanging, feet up, over the cookie. Which seemed rather pleased to have its biggest threat hanging over it? In a cookie-style of way, it grinned badly at Santa.
-Hello Santa. , the as good as all-covered face smiled.
-Ho?
-Saay… how do you drive the sleight?
A big smile came over Santa’s Christmassy mug.
-It’s all a part of the Christmas magic Ho-ho-hUUUGHK! ,before Santa could end his Santa-style chuckle, the character had punched him hard in the stomach.
-Let’s try again. , the character said smiling again.
-It’s… , Santa actually thought before answering again.
-Only I can drive it.
-And why is that.
Yet again Santa gave his warm Christmassy smile.
-I have the heart of a true Christmas spirit, thou I drive with the heart of charity and wealth.
The character glanced at the rather naive embodiment of stupidity.
-So… it’s because you got the heart of a Christmas spirit?
-Ho?
The character nodded aimlessly. Then it gave Santa a big warm smile whilst burying and twitching the big-bladed knife deeper into the fat mans chest.
-Then you wouldn’t mind if I took it would you? , it asked when dragging out the still-beating heart.
-UUUUGHH! GLEEEUUUURRRGHHH! , Santa gurgled as blood came vomiting out of his mouth.
-I’ll take it for Christmas gift then. Thank you Santa! , it said whilst walking off, waving the heart as a goodbye. The dead body just glanced at it with the empty vessels which were serving as its eyes. In it’s quiet cookie-way, the cookie cackled at the body hanging over it.

The two of them sat in the sleight. With all of the elf’s slaughtered, they had to span the deer’s themselves, it took their extra time… but it was worth waiting for.
-Time to do some real Christmas! ,the most talkative of them shouted when they barged away out in the clear starry Christmas night.

And as you all know: Ninjas -are totally sweet^_^!


written by
Konani O_o