A guide to being a man by Rod D lynch II
Part 1
This guide is meant for those who wish to become a true man. When I say true man, I do not mean a large body building muscle with arms. I mean a man that can easily bend the wills of others just as easily as he can bend reality.
To begin your start of man training, go into your closet or what ever you keep your clothing in. Look inside. If you do not contain the following, drop what you are doing and run to the furthest mall, yes run do not walk. Walking is usually for pansies who cannot keep a constant speed of mach one when running, thus not manly and yes it has to be the furthest mall, anything close will be flooded with non-manly types since it is close to them. I prefer a mall located on the edge of a cliff. Back on subject, you will need the following; One shirt, preferably black with the sleeves torn off. Not cut off, not rolled up, torn off, preferably by a wild animal of some sort. A pair of blue jeans with various dirt stains, these will be from either fighting, whupping a**, or kicking the s**t out of someone, nothing more, nothing less. A red cloth headband, why? Because a man not prepared for sweat dropping into his eye is not a man. A pair of either tan or black boots, if you are extra manly, they will be made of an animal from the deepest parts of the African jungles, yes it has to be African, no other species will suffice. If you possess these, then you are ready to start your day.
Before wearing your clothes that you just tossed out in various places around the neighborhood to be fetched in the nude, you must shower. Before that, you must test your water pressure and heat. Note, your water must always be a constant temperature that could easily melt sand into glass. Reality bending yes, but you are a man, that is what you do. The pressure of your shower must be able to shred diamond into a fine particle dust. If not, you must adjust accordingly. For soap, you will reach into the cabinet, which I must add, only contains a hunting knife for shaving, 100 proof whiskey for after shave, Brillo padded tooth brush and sulfuric acid wash for soap. Pull the acid wash out and apply generous amounts, usually about half a gallon, onto an abrasive sand paper sheet. Once done enough, your skin will be as tough as my beard and as rugged as a dirt road.
After the shower, it is time to dress. Those clothes that you scattered around the neighborhood must be gathered and put on in this order. Headband, pants, shirt and boots. No underwear are required because a man allows his package to hang free and lose to avoid making ball soup. On some occasions such as the holiday, Ox hide may be used for underwear. Once you are dressed and the neighborhood is familiar with your nudity, which by the way they should not feel offended because you are a man, the domination of your man radius (usually around 2-4 miles) should keep them in check. Now you are ready for a hearty breakfast.
To begin, you must go to your job at the construction yard or gravel pit, yes a man has to work at either of these, any other job is extremely unmanly with the exception of being the artist formerly known as Prince. He is the only manly man who may have a job outside of construction or working the gravel pit. Once at work, you will grab the following, two cups of gravel, one cup of metal shaving, half a gallon of oil and three nails. Once you return home, you will break out your industrial blender that you created from the plane you shot down last week. All the ingredients go in and are blended for 59 minutes. Not an hour, 59 minutes. Once thoroughly blended and smooth, pour out into a shot glass at a 41 degree angle, yes the answer to your question is yes. It has to be 41 degrees, why? Because 41 is a prime number, being a man is prime to your survival, thus you must pour at a 41 degree angle.
You may have noticed that I have not used any conjunctions. Conjunctions are not manly, they possess two words combined by a very feminine punctuation mark. So to be a man, you must always avoid conjunctions. To further avoid the apostrophe, when referring to a belonging of someone, you will instead say "Pass me that gun that belongs to Tim." Understand? Good.
It is time for my morning hike up the mountains in my backyard, I will continue this guide later on.
Virje Blackcross Community Member 
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