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The Karmic Ties That Bind
Foreword ~ The introduction here will be short and to the point. In my last entry you learned of my wonderful misadventure over the summer and now it is nearing the middle of October so I have decided to tell you what wonders have befallen me through the times preceding this entry. Despite my belief that there's nothing that will ever go right for me, I have been proven wrong about that. Because as it turns out, something in my life has gone wonderfully right.
This entry will explain the events that occurred after my depression and slight recovery and serve to inform people of the things that I've been doing and how I've managed to come along so far without much incident
Part 3: The Karmic Ties That Bind
Time Frame ~ End of August until mid October.
Summary ~ A rebirth, the realization of potential, hope for the future, and an undying flame.
The metamorphic stages of a butterfly are an interesting thing, from the awkward unyielding caterpillar to the hard lifeless cocoon and finally the graceful butterfly. It makes one wonder, just how does the caterpillar turn into a butterfly, when something new is created from something so different the only thing we can do is wonder. Is there something that happens inside of the cocoon that noone will ever know, a magic that creates miracles? Belief in such things are what fuels the reason to figure things out. If there is a magic or miracle that can be created in something so seemingly normal then what's to say we couldn't do the same? A miracle, or just a lesser change is something that people are always looking for to make their lives better. What reason do people have to search for something that may not exist? Because on the odd chance that it really does exist and they find it then they will know that everything they did was worthwhile. I myself have found the thing that gave me the miracle to change, or more specifically the person.
There are things in my life that I'm not proud of, and things that I know I should put up on a wall or something to that effect but really none of my achievements or failures really matter in comparison to one thing. Happiness. It's the thing that, without it, nothing will ever be worthwhile or even remotely enjoyable. My personal happiness and the happiness of the people around me have become quite important to me in recent times, and as such I realize the value of actually being happy.
I have been depressed before and it's not the most enjoyable of experiences, thinking that your life is a failure and that everything you do turns out wrong. I have come to enjoy the benefits of being happy and if I didn't know that my memories of depression and all the events surrounding them were very much real then I might be so inclined to forget about them. But as I'm sure you realize that would be next to impossible to do.
But with every tragedy and horror there is always something that is gained. Like the growth of nature and life at the site of a major accident, Something always seems to make things easier or make life better in some way. For me, that came in the form of a person who I now hold dear to me.Through late night conversations, and other forms of encouragement and reassurance I was able to get out of the spiral I was in. Expressing my gratitude for that really can never be done because there's no way I can ever repay her for helping me. And it's with great happiness that I must inform you that we have also been dating for almost 12 weeks as of this entry, and I have never been happier than I am now.
Things up till now have been quite perfect, with just the occasional problem or two that is to be expected, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
And now as I move away from my own life and into the events of other's, things get a little less perfect and a realization of the real world becomes quite apparent. Moving back to the idea that everything that can go wrong will go wrong, seems to fit with only a few alterations.
Part 4: Through Darkness I Shall Remain
Time Frame ~ End of October until the end of December
Summary ~ Beginnings, confusion, another world, and a final approach.
The ever darkening sky is a timely reminder of the coming of winter. But with the coming of winter also comes the hasty return of summer, a light after the dark. It is this sort of hope that people seem to forget about alot.
There is always something after the dark, whether it's darker or brighter jsut depends on how you percieve it. In some cases any sort of change could be a brighter thing, but at the same time it could be a darker way for things to occur. A hope that the light at the end of the dark is there for you in at least one way is a very good thing to have. Without that hope you can lead yourself to thinking that everything is pointless and that you have no reason for life anymore. I for one know that experience quite personally and would never wish it upon anyone else. But sad as things like that seem they always open your eyes tot he things around you, how perfect or imperfect things have always been without your knowledge. The friend who you once trusted, the lover you thought to be a saint, the family member you thought cared, everything can be quite different from what you saw before. But yet some things never change, some people really are who they say, and some people's actions really do come from their heart.
If there's only one lesson to be learned from this, it's that not everything is what it seems and everything can have another side to it no matter how good it may seem.
With a veritable sigh of contentment I have decided to begin writing this again, it is as of the date today, several months after last working on this entry.
I have been through alot of things in the past few months, some of which are important, some of which are less so, but all of them have led me to the conclusion that not for lack of opposition life has never been better and I've managed to put my depression and sadness for the most part behind me, with the exception of a few new reasons for being so, but I'll explain alot of that in the next entry.
for now I should finish off where I left in this entry by explaining what transpired.
In the course of my getting happier, people all around me seemed to be getting sadder and sadder about things, or more worked up about stress, or even just plain down for no reason. Coupled with the world-wide recession and economic down-turn I'd almost say that everything was getting worse, just as it was getting better for me.
But, I'm not one to worry when it comes to things like global problems, if we really truly wanted to fix it all it would take is that, alot of people with the resolve to do so... the global economy and welfare is generated by the people in it, so with people worrying they're only adding to the worry on the already over-worried market. And in regards to the people around me; I've given them all the limited advice and help I have to offer them, and I can't do alot else, so that's all I'm going to do... I'm not going to sit here worrying about something I have no control over. Although, it could be said that this method of approach seems uncaring and cruel, it's really not... if i can't do anything else to help then why add more people trying to do something? Like trying to get six people to hold a spoon balancing an egg, the more people there are trying to do the same thing, the less effective it is. The egg on the spoon is alot more likely to drop just because of all the people bumping into eachother trying to keep it balanced than it is because it doesn't want to stay on the spoon.
Other people's problems aren't my problem and are therefore approached a bit differently than my own... instead of trying every possible method of solving the problem, I'll try to find the exact one that seems like it should work, and test it out. If it's found to be productive of results then I'll continue trying to do that, but if it doesn't help then I'll think of something else or move on and hope they can figure it out. It's not that I don't want to help them with every possible way, it's just that I'm only one person and I can't really help alot of people if I tried to do that, not to mention that more than likely they've already tried a few of the solutions on their own, making my efforts redundant and fruitless.
So in short, people all around have problems, some big, some small, and most of which probably can't be solved by my efforts. So I'll just continue with my effort to make my own life better and solve my problems in the hope that it'll give me a bit of a better way to understand other's problems, or at least so I can have a happy life free from worry.
The Next Entry:
Part 5: The Infinity of Fate
Summary ~ Love, Joy, and a Journey
I'll be writing the next entry about mostly happier things, I figure I've flooded you all with metaphors and depression for long enough by now.
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