There is a reason why I hesitated when Hanzou said he might or would read my journal from now on since it made me feel appreciated. I don't know if I want him to be that kind of friend. I don't know if I want to let him into my inner circle of friends.
******** A! I just got back from celebrating with Hazou and magical Unicorn and I am a bit pissed. The thing that was holding me together that whole time I was with them was my bell. My darling bell. It kept back the tears and slap I was so eager to give. Hanzou called me a cheater, a lier and accused me of such things that I do not believe are true. I told the rules, maybe not in the best way but he accused me of cheating because of that. Heh. Obviously he does not know me very well still.
I hate being accused of things. I hate it to hell. I temporarily ran away from my family because they jokingly called me a cheater during a card game. Yes, a simple card game because I was winning. They and our family friends ganged up on me and all jeered that I was a cheater. I ran away from the campsite and hid in the bushes near the dirt road for at least an hour. Keep in mind I was only ten or twelve when this happened. They scoured the campsite and outside but I was the one that came back on my own accord. When I went on the sixth grade field trip, wherever the hell you go, I was put with all girls I didn't know. They accused me of locking the door, greasing the door knobs, and moaning in my sleep because I was dreaming of the guy I liked. I cried so hard. It hurts the most. Not the best of memories.
I know I was being a downer over at her dorm and I am sorry. I am still a bit hungover from yesterday, consciously, and I don't know how to act around Hanzou anymore. It is hard to start completely over in your mind.
Today was a DAY of DAYS
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Fragmented Self who wanders through life like a dreamer and wades through the river of dreams as though it were the only truth left in this world
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