Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

“Officer, I don’t see why you’re trying to arrest me. I periodically come down my stairs, through my front lawn, up the one hundred twenty seven steps to the mall parking lot, past the large, poorly painted tree that says ‘God have Mercy,’ to this place I am standing right now: the middle of the nail salon. I know I have no clothes on, but I just feel that it calms me to have a bunch of Asians work on my nails when I’m in the nude. I feel a little better because I know that the women will feel intimidated by my intensity, and they won’t make mistakes. Honestly, I’m not comfortable when they’re behind the wheel of a car, I think I should be a little more comfortable when they’re doing something as important as cutting my fingernails down, gluing new ones on and painting those. Have you ever had a bad paint job? Oh, you haven’t? Well, you are a fellow after all. It’d be pretty creepy if you ever did have Asians paint your nails. Um, yeah, my eyes are up here. I don’t like it when people stare at my chest.”