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Let the planet Neptune and all the Cosmos guide you...
Lighting the Way
The sun was high when Emma woke up to a tapping on her belly.. She had just dreamed of a cold so fierce it felt like fire. Little did she know she had just passed through the curtain of cold on the griffin's back. She squeezed her arms tighter around herself unaware of the choking blue fuzzball trying to push her arm away.
"Back off! Emma you're squeezing me!"
"Oh!", Emma exclaimed. " I'm so sorry Rayla. I just had a bad dream."
"Yeah. But apologies won't heal my throat. Wait a sec. Did you dream about a fierce fire cold?"
"Yeah, why?"
"We just went through a cold curtain."
"Oh my!"
"Yeah now would it hurt to just PLEASE KEEP AWAKE!?", Rayla said impatiently.
Emma looked down. She was lying on a bed of dead rentourites.
"Wh-where am I?"
"Take a whiff around."
She turned.
"Oh! It's the D-dark Sorcerrer's castle", Emma whimpered, frightened.
The Dark Sorcerrer and his daughter, Evila were always spreading darkness and trying to rule Jewelalia and it's five kingdoms: Diatrunde, Emerest, Sapphiater, Rubranyon, and Rainbroria.He lived in the kingdom of Evtantio where everything was dead.
Emma got up and squinted, trying to see if she could find some help. She spotted a glowing pink light the size of a bottle cap by a cherry blossom. She wouldn't heve seen it if the pearly clouds had not covered the golden sun at that moment.
"Come on Rayla. I sense help."
"Hi my name is Emeralda and this is Rayla. Who are you?", Emma asked the glowing pink light.
The light flickered, then materialized into a rose fairy.
"Wh-why uh hi! You startled me. My name is Emerfaera Florei. Nice to meet you.", said the fairy.
"Can I call you Faera?"
"That's all right."
"Pwooh! What about me!?", sneezed Rayla.
"Just a sec. Can you direct us a way back to Jewelalia?"
"I know just the someone. Follow me."
They walked through the forest of dead emerald pines and gradually saw a rainbow field ahead. On it silouetted in the golden afternoon sunlight, was the most beautiful unicorn ever known to humans!






User Comments: [4]
pooh_spida79
Community Member





Fri Nov 07, 2008 @ 12:16am


michelle, the unicorn and rainbow are a bit too... farfetched, if ya know what i mean. shouldn't there be something a bit more dreadful if they're in a place where everything is dead? the addition of the fairy is fine, but there should be a quest that Emeralda should go on to find the person who can help her.


SunnyChicGirl
Community Member





Sun Nov 23, 2008 @ 02:09pm


smile nice story! Very creative! I luv the end about the unicorns! It's awesome!!!!!! 3nodding


Merriara
Community Member





Sat Jan 10, 2009 @ 06:03pm


I like it......but maybe you could change Evila's name...it's kinda unoriginal. that, and the name of the dead sorcerer's land should be more--dreadful. a name that inspires fear. that, and the intro is kinda short...and doesn't make much sense. Maybe you could make the intro a little longer...with more detail? I want to know what Rayla and Emeralda look like. good luck, and I hope my comment helps!


My suggestions:
Evila--Malora
Evtantio--Orcellusto


Katara daughter of Water
Community Member





Sun Jan 11, 2009 @ 09:58am


This entry's writing is vastly an improvement from the last. It doesn't repeat itself so much. Rentourites needs defining. You need not use dead for a description of the dead world. You can use many other words like withered, gnarled, decomposing, festering. Perhaps you might want to consider writing this out on a word program and using the thesaurus tool to come up with alternative words to use. I agree with the poster above me that it seems a bit too colorful for a dead world and too easy that Emma should have escaped from her prison unless of course it is some sort of trap set up by the wizard.


User Comments: [4]
 
 
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