I'm holding on so tightly now . . .
What will happen to me when I can no longer ignore this burning feeling that continues to rot within me? It's like I'm holding onto something that doesn't even exist- an imaginary lifeline that I've created to make myself seem stable. I think I'm screwed.
My insides scream so loud . . .
I cry out for help, but for some reason, these ardent pleas never pass my lips. They are forever locked away inside me, pelting at me, trying to penetrate the shield that I have unwillingly created.
They keep watching, watching me drown. . .
I know they see how screwed up I am. I know they think things that aren't necessarily true, but in a way, they're kind of right. They watch me as I flail around, never offering me support of any kind. Never is there a hand for me to take.
How did it come to this?
When exactly did all of this start? How could I have fallen so far from who I used to be? Where did I go wrong? I guess I'll never know the truth of the situation. I'm stuck here, in this vast place.
How did it come to this?
A place that, for some reason, closely resembles Hell.
How did I know it was you?
It's your fault. That much I know. I could have been a better person. I could have tried my hardest to love everything I encountered . . . but you . . . you had to mess everything up. you had to mess ME up.
It was a bad dream, asphyxiated, watch me bleed.
If only I could wake up from all of this. Someone snap your fingers. Someone call my name. The fact that this will never end chills me to the bone, and yet I'm unperturbed of the coldness that wraps around me . . . an icy blanket I hold close to me.
The life support was cut, but now its too tight. . .
I can't breathe . . . Even though your hold on me has lessened, I still feel the unhealed bruises left by your careless fingers. My throat burns, I cant breathe!
They push and pull me, but they know they'll never win . . .
You. Trying your hardest to corrupt me, fail. Try as you will, it doesn't matter what you've put me through, I will never give in. Fail. YOU FAIL!
Throw it all away!! Throw it all away!!
Just get rid of every single memory that you pushed on me. I don't want them anyway. If only it were that simple . . .
I keep on screaming, but theres really nothing left to say. . .
I'm past words. Nothing I say could ever equal how angry you've managed to make me. I'll scream my head off, scream . . . Will you stop me? Hell no. You're too busy making me feel worse to hear the bitter cries of frustration that I insist on wasting my energy on.
So get away!! Just get away!!
I managed to get rid of you once before, what makes you think I can't do it again? I don't care how long it takes me, You will be gone from my life. This time, forever. Sixteen lame years burned to hell, thanks to you. I refuse to accept you like they do. YOU WILL LEAVE.
I keep on fighting, but i can't keep going on this way . . .
I'm so tired. Unbearably tired. I can't find it in me to stop. I will die for this. I will die before I give in to you. I will give all my energy up, if only to see the same look of pain stretch across your face as the one I have had on mine so many times before.
Can't keep going, can't keep going, on like this, they make me sick. . .
I want to heave everytime I see them embrace you. You're a God to them. ******** that. I will never bow to you, you filthy pig. You make me so sick. You all make me sick.
And I get so sick of it.
All of this bullshit wears me out. Day in, day out . . . When will it all just stop?! I'm so tired of all of these not-so-graceful conversations she forces me to have with you. It makes me sick just speaking a single word to you.
'Cause they won't let me, they won't let me breathe. . .
Get off my back! I want to scream it in your faces, until you get the damn picture! I don't want to be a part of this, you mean nothing to me! None of you do!
Why can't they let me be?Why don't I know what I am?
Why do you all insist on tormenting me this way? You know how I feel about this whole thing, why do you force me to belong to something that sickens me? Just leave me alone!
I force this hate into my heart 'cause it's my only friend . . .
The only emotion I can ever enjoy feeling toward you is hate. Hate. Hate. I hate you.
My lips are sewn shut, I watch myself bleed. . .
Although I try so hard to make you see how I feel, you only hear silence. It's like watching a bad horror movie. I can see myself dying slowly.
They push and pull me and it's killing me within. . .
I'm dying right in front of your eyes.
Throw it all away!! Throw it all away!! I keep on screaming, but theres really nothing left to say. So get away!! Just get away!! I keep fighting, but i cant keep going on this way. I can't keep going,can't keep going, on this way. I can't keep going, can't keep going, on this way.
This is all Self explanatory . . . SO why am I explaining it to you?
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Yeah, so this was the first entry of my insane thoughts diary. A look into the mind of someone who's not all there. this is pretty much lyrics to different songs I like, with my interpretation of them. Like, an explanation for the song from my POV. The song I used for this one was Sell Your Soul, by Hollywood Undead.
LUV, KUPCAKE heart heart heart heart heart
Kupcake347 · Thu Nov 13, 2008 @ 07:38am · 0 Comments |