Do you know what you do when you see a turtle trying to cross the road?
You pick it up and bring it in the direction it was traveling. However, not everybody does this. Some bring it back to where it started in which the turtle will attempt the feat of crossing the road again at risk of dying, and some people take it home, where if it escapes will try to find its way back home at the risk of dying.
After highschool we are given a fresh start to make new 1st impressions, but what if our new 1st impressions parallel to the old...what happens then, are we bound by our social and genetic limits to repeat what we have tried so hard to forget? OR is there still time to become a person of meaning to someone else as we are to ourselves? These questions I face are still up in the air...for once again am I placed in a situation where it is up to me to take the initiative which I am so scared to do I have the tendency to climb in a shell at the mere hint of something foreign. It's out of habit...and habits can be broken with some sort of controled conditioning...however no matter how hard I try to exert some self control for a compulsion I fail...do I lack will power? am I just not strong enough to overcome a habit...then again...is it a habit or an addiction? an addiction to being safe and out of sight from scrutinizing eyes...for after all the only thing they'd see is the illusion of an empty shell I'm so far in it....
an addiction can be broken too but some who lack the will power have a support group who they can resort to for an intervention, which in highschool I had. But now I have to start anew without a support group. Is this a test to see how much I have developed? Not much apparently.
I lived my highschool carreer through my best friend and now we have gone our seperate ways. We merged from eachother and she took what I thought was mine, was actually hers. She gave me a false sense of self, but I don't blame her for this dis-service...after all who was left to blame when she went? That hudled, crumpled, beat up mass inside a shell that makes noise when shook but still refuses to come out. I blame that stubborn ingrate. That mass prevented me from realizing that my self at the time was an illusion...if it had only come out of that shell I could have seen through my solid hallucination but NO...I was in denial with no form of intevention. My parents knew that something was amiss buthow could they know when what they saw was a complete person, whether or not he image was real or fake was uncertain because it was whole. Even I was fooled.
 Disproven_Theory · Tue Nov 18, 2008 @ 11:47pm · 1 Comments |
