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I wonder what I'll have to lose to gain what I want. What happens if none of this comes true? What happens if it does? What will become of me? Will I be stronger? Will I be unable to trust?

I have a handful of new friends now. They are very important to me. As usual, my mother is having money problems, thinking she can afford things she can't, indulging the wants of my younger siblings...and then she complains to me about how stressed she is, what we can and can't afford, etc. It's not my problem. My sisters take everything out on me. Everything negative that happens is magically my fault. Mom believes them more than me, their opinions are worth more. They all think I'm worthless. They don't realize how much I do for them. So I'll stop doing things for them and hopefully they'll realize how smooth things were. Hopefully, they'll finally learn to appreciate me.

I saw a tarot deck in my dreams last night. I don't own it in the physical realm. I was also unfamiliar with it in my dream, but it held a lot of power. The design on the back was a beautiful mahogany celtic knot. It was quite intricate and you could get lost in it so easily. I only flipped one card from that deck while I was reaching for my other deck. It was 'Trees', that deck's version of the Hermit and showed a dirt path leading into a dense, dark forest. I could only tell it was the Hermit because upon examining it, it said ' 09 ' and ' meditation ' on it. I wonder if this deck exists anywhere in the physical. If it does, I must have it.

So yeah. Haven't posted an entry in a while, but here's one until something interesting happens in my life.