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__________"Manos: The Hands Of Fate"_________


You might know this movie from Mystery Science Theater 3000...Its one of many imfamous movies they made fun of..and I now have seen the horror..that is..Manos..

[Note]I didnt see the MST3k version for this review..This is the real movie..
Also I had already writen a review of this..but deleted it..So im watching this movie AGAIN..Just for the sake of reviewing it..
Also Also Im doing the Review as I watch this..

Lets get started..

This Movie is ******** terrible..I cant belive this was even made..or shown to people..its that bad..Horrible Editing, Obvious Dubbing..Horrible..Horrible Acting and Characters..and dumb plot..This sounds great already..

Also did a search on the director..
Apearently..Hes Dead..And he actually played the character:Michael in Manos..
He is a fertilizer salesman..And he Wrote, Produced, Directed, and Starred in..Manos..
This movie apearently..Was made from a bet with a man named Stirling Silliphant(Wrote: Village Of The Damned, The Enforcer, Helped make Shaft In Africa, and wrote many..many more movies) That he could make a successful Horror film with very limited Budget
Because it worked so well for Ed Wood..
He was such a pre-maddona when filming the other actors called the movie "Mangos: The Cans of Fruit" behind his back..Which is a better title in my opinion..
During the Premier of the movie, it got boo'ed and heckled to death..
He continued as a Sales man of poop and tried to make sequals to Manos(Dear God!) and wrote a script called Wild Desert Bikers which he tried making into a book called Satan Rides A Bike..He died in 1985

There is also a documentary on Youtube Called:
"Hotel Torgo"
Which is a documentary of the film..

Okay after that little history leason..lets get to the film itself..

Okay Manos: The Hands Of Fate..Why in the ******** is it called Manos: The Hands Of Fate!?..I mean it literally means
Hands:The Hands Of Fate
Oh and this movie is full of hands..

The movie starts with a family driving..then pulling over..
The family is consisted of Mike(The Father) Debbie(The Daughter) and Margaret(Mom)
The first thing you notice when watching this...is how horrible it looks..It just looks bad, and the sound is just horrifyingly bad..also the talking and sound is off..showing the obvious dubbing..and Debbie doesnt even sound like a kid..Reminds me of the kid in Burial Ground..who obviously wasnt a kid..
Still..This movies not as bad as the films of Chester Novell Turner..and guess what?..his film:
Black Devil Doll From Hell..Got a better rating then Manos on IMDB

So the Family is on vacation, and are lost out in the..Freeway/Highway/Dessert/Woods area..They come apon a house a lodge..I think..Run by The Master, and his minion The Imfamous Torgo.

Now let me just talk alittle about what happens in this part..
They stop, sing Row The Boat to they're Daughter..then drive off again
Get stoped by a cop..who sounds exactly like the father..Which shows that this movie was dubbed.The Cop bothers them some then lets them go..and drive
and drive
Thats it..all set to some lowsy Lounge music..Who does it hell if I know. Ive heard that the song playing is Called "Inside The Magic Circle"..And this is the best song..in the whole movie and guess what?It skips at the end of it..Also has some flute playing which would put Kenny G., and Ron Burgendy to shame..

So driving..Just driving..Feilds..Music..Crappy Music..The Letters MANOS THE HANDS OF FATE!...Yeah..great..
It cuts to 2 people..kissing..with more shitastic music playing...Was this scene even nessary!?
Its like the punker kids in demons snorting coke form a coke can..It could have as essially have been cut..but no..

Then it cuts to the car driving..Why is the camera man so shaky...What the ******** just randomly cut at 5:27..Okay..Whatever more driving..
This scene is as worthless as the kissing scene..I mean really do we need to see the whole freaking ride to the hotel/Motel/Lodge?!
So then it cuts to the kids kissing..and how the cop from earlier goes and bothers them about kissing?..Why!?..Who ******** cares..THIS COULD HAVE SO EASILY BEEN CUT ARG!

So finnally they get to the lodge thank god!..Woah what the...Random cut to a sweaty drunken looking Torgo..The sad thing is..Hes the best character..
The way he says the same thing twice for no reason, and his horrible raged clothse and giant thighs..and the way he walks so dissorderly..as if he got hit in the knees with a kendo stick 10 times each scene hes in..Yes..Torgo has stolen our hearts..
So they ask the great Torgo where the Valley Lodge is, and he pretty much tells them they cant leave and are doomed..What a pleasant welcoming..

[End of Pt. 1]