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FUNNY PICK UP LINE AND MUCH MORE!!
WRITTEN BY A GUY AND
UNKNOWN AUTHOR

I wish you were a door so I could bang you all day long.



Nice legs...what time do they open?



You've got 206 bones in your body, want one more?



I'm fighting the urge to make you the happiest woman on earth tonight.



Wanna play army? I'll lay down and you can blow the hell outta me.



Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.



I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked.



Is that a ladder in your stockings or the stairway the heaven?



Are those real?



(More great jokes and stories at www.agiftofpoetry.com !)



I'd walk a million miles for one of your smiles, and even farther

for that thing you do with your tongue.



If it's true that we are what we eat, then I could be you by morning.



You know, if I were you, I'd have sex with me.



You. Me. Whipped cream. Handcuffs. Any questions?



F @# me if I'm wrong, but is your name Helga Titsbottom?



Those clothes would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor.



My name is (Peter)...remember that, you'll be screaming it later.



Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?



Hi, I'm Mr. Right. Someone said you were looking for me.



Hi, the voices in my head told me to come over and talk to you.



I know milk does a body good, but DAMN, how much have you been drinking?



If you were the last woman and I was the last man on earth, I bet we

could do it in public.



Wanna come over for some pizza and sex? No? Why, don't you like pizza?



Baby, I'm an American Express lover...you shouldn't go home without me.



(Lick finger and wipe on her shirt): Let's get you out of these wet
clothes.

Do you work for UPS? I thought I saw you checking out my package.

(More great jokes and stories at www.agiftofpoetry.com !)

I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher,
have you seen one?



You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light
switch away.

Are those real?



I lost my puppy, can you help me find him? I think he went into this
cheap motel room.




THE CREATION OF A v****a
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine
Created a p***y to their design.
First was a butcher, smart with wit,
Using a knife, he gave it a slit.
Second was a carpenter, strong and bold,
With a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole.
Third was a tailor, tall and thin,
By using red velvet, he lined it within.
Fourth was a hunter, short and stout,
With a piece of fox fur, he lined it without.
Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell,
He threw in a fish and gave it a smell.
Sixth was a preacher whose name was McGee,
He touched it and blessed it and said it could pee.
Last came a sailor, a dirty little runt,
He sucked it and ******** it and called it a c**t


Q. Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?
A. Ask your mother.


Q. What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A. A battery has a positive side.

Q. The three words most hated by men during sex?
A. "Are you In?" or "Is It In?"

Q. Three words women hate to hear when having sex?
A. "Honey, I'm home!"


Q. Did you hear about the new paint called "Blonde" paint?
A. It's not very bright, but it spreads easy.


Q. Do you know why they call it the Wonder Bra?
A. When you take it off you wonder where her tits went.


Q. How can you tell which is the head nurse?
A. The one with the dirty knees.

Q. Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A. The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen
donuts.

Q. Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A. She is the one who can eat the last donut!

Q. When is a pixie not a pixie?
A. When he's got his head up a fairy's skirt, then he's a goblin.'

Q. What's the difference between love, true love and showing off?
A. Spitting, swallowing and gargling

Q. What's the difference between a b***h and a whore?
A. A whore sleeps with everybody at the party, and a b***h sleeps
with everybody at the party except you.