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Alright, I'll be honest. This journal is directed at Opal. For everyone else who for some odd reason is reading this, sorry, but I'm not talking specifically to you. You can read it if you want, but just keep that in mind.

Okay, so Opal. We seriously need to talk. You know I love you girl, but you're driving me crazy. You've been stuck in some weird little depression for way too long. It's honestly starting to piss me off. You and Sam broke up! Okay? Move on! Really, you've been tear eyed for longer then you guys were together and you didn't even do anything together anyway! You guys barely talked. You only kissed like four times and it's not like you guys had sex or anything. You're making a big deal out of absolutely nothing and it's been going on for way too long. He's got another girlfriend. It wasn't a serious relationship that you two were in. You're being rather immature about the whole thing.

I've tried the sympathy route with you. I lied next to you while you cried in the computer lab and out at Chastin. I glared at Sam for a while and told everyone to back off or I'd kick their a**. Everyone who asked why you were still upset, I told to shut up. I defended you for a long time, longer then I think I should have. There comes a point after a break up when you need to lift up your head and just accept that it wasn't working on either end. In case you've forgotten, you weren't exactly satisfied with the relationship before it ended. You did whine about a couple of things Sam did (didn't do) and it wasn't like he was your Prince Charming. He was just your first and I'm not sure if anyone's told you, but you got yourself in too deep in your mind. You thought there was more to it then there actually was. It's understandable. He was your first boyfriend and you don't have enough experience to know when you're imagining things that aren't there.

That I understand. But you seem to be basing your entire future off of a single boy. Never a good idea. You're walking around as if his rejection means every boy you meet for the rest of your life is gonna reject you. We're in high school chicka. The boy population at our school is pretty small to begin with and we've known all of them since junior high. Broader horizons do exist beyond Ojai. If you keep on the depression path you seem determined to never veer from, then you're not going to find another boyfriend. Every boy who sees you is going to think that you'll act that way if they do something you don't like and they'll be scared off. You can't moan around in a pointless depression. It's hurting your chances of ever finding anyone to be with and it's forcing your friends away from you.

You're so sad all the time that even I don't want to be with you. I tried, I really did, to make you happier. I tried every idea I could think of. I spent the night at your house when you and Sam broke up. I tried to talk it out with you. I laid next to you whenever you were crying. I gave you hugs and whipped away your tears. But I'm tired, chicka. I can't keep trying to cheer you up when all my efforts don't seem to be getting anywhere. I'm too freakin perky all the time to handle your life sucks mentality. The world's not the dark depressing place that you seem determined to convince yourself that it is. I mean, it was raining! Be happy about that if nothing else!

I can only guess my lack of time with you isn't helping matters, but I'm starting to think I'm part of the problem. I'm sorry that I told you that I loved you. It was a bad decision considering the timing and I should of known, as your best friend, that you wouldn't be able to handle it. You don't like me that way and I understand that. I didn't really expect you to. You're about as straight as they come while I, to use a phrase Lauren seems to be adoring at the moment, I'm straight as a rainbow. But ignoring those things, I wish I could say I was saddened by the fact that you don't seem to know how to act around me now. I am sorry that you think you have to act around me in the first place, but in the time since I told you, my feelings for you, well, they've sort of dwindled. You're depression, I'm not tough enough to handle it. I'll always love you as a sister and a very good friend, but I'm not in love with you as I was before. I'm not sure if that helps anything, but I figured you should know.

I'm also not sure if we're still best friends. For the first time in my life, I'm not all that distraught over the idea of use not being best friends. You don't seem to want me as a best friend anyway. You don't talk to me anymore. You won't tell me what's wrong though you'll talk to Amara and Mary apparently. I was rather hurt about that, by the way. I never thought you'd go to Amara before me, but I guess a lot of things have changed lately, huh?

I'll be honest, if you're going to keep being such a drama queen about the whole thing and continue to think the world just sucks and life isn't worth living, I can't be your friend like I used to be. We can't even talk like we used to. We're forcing conversation when we walk out of math class and walk to our locker. We used to be able to just talk to each other. Our conversation flowed. Now, we don't talk. We say hi and ask how the other's doing. I'm not sure if it's a mix of Sam drama and being unsure of how to handle my feelings toward you, but whatever it is, when I told you the truth and you rejected me, I didn't expect our relationship to change. I'm sorry it did.

If you want to talk to me, I'll listen like I always have. But I can't handle your depression. I'm sorry if it seems like I'm abandoning you. I'm not. I've tried the sympathy road so now I figure the tough love approach is my last attempt. Telling you that it's okay isn't working so I'm telling you the truth. It's not okay to let yourself slip into a downward spiral. It's immature. You're tougher then this or I at least thought you were. I'll always be your friend chicka, but it's up to you to decide if we're still best friends.

Let me know when you want to talk.