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lunchtime breakdown.
....3/18/09.
........1st lunch.
............I finally snap.
................In public.

People won't leave me alone.

They would ignore me.
....Not ignore.
........Not pay attention, though.
I break down at lunch.
....People talk.
........What's wrong with her?
............What happened?
................She must miss Aaron.
....................Is it my fault?
........................It's my fault, I know it.
Tap, tap, tap on the shoulder.
....LEAVE ME ALONE!
........You did it so easily before.
............LEAVE ME ALONE!
I'm crying.
....Is she okay?
........Kayla?
............Kayla?
................Are you okay?
Need to hide.
....Hide in my hair.
........Fold into myself.
............Disappear.
But I'm still visible.
....So visible.
........Even more visible than before.
............Spot light on me.
Everyone talks.
....LEAVE ME ALONE!
........It's not your fault.
............It's all your fault.
Nothing's wrong.
....Everything's wrong.
........Every little thing.
............Is wrong.
Can't speak.
....Only tears.
........And squeaks.
............And squeals.
................Like an animal.
I'm an animal.
....And blind.
........Glasses on the table.
............Eye sight fogged by tears.
Everyone's gone.
....But I'm right here.
........Everyone's really there.
............Not gone.
Staring at me.
....Whispering.
........Talking.
............Shouting.
Are you okay?
....LEAVE ME ALONE!
........Only, it's a squeak.
............Or squeal.
................Or both.
If I wasn't here
....Things would be better,
........They scream.
............They.
................Them.
....................In my head.

They're always right.

Sybelle
Community Member

Offline

Thu Mar 19, 2009 @ 02:47am

Oh god, I know exactly how you feel. But at the same, I don't know at all. I'm not you, nor do I know enough about you. Your life. What went wrong.
But know that I myself have been through similar trauma of the heart and soul.
Know this, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You may feel like it, but you are not.
If you ever need anyone to talk to, you can always PM. Of if you have MSN or Yahoo, you can add me. I'll send you my addresses though a pm. If you ever need that semi-anonymous completely-sympathetic ear, day or night, I am here.

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