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:Mini Thought Compilation of April:

I keep feeling depressed as of lately, but there's no direct reason why.

I want to say I'm ashamed of myself for wasting my life away.
Nothing suicidal because I'm not stupid, suicide is just a permanent way to solve temporary problems.
That's just the way I feel but not just that either.

I guess this isn't exactly a rant but it's set up like it I'm just going to let my thoughts out about some things.

Friends

Most of my friends know I don't get a long with everyone in the world. But what gets me is that when I see my 'friends' talking, sucking up, or in any way just communicating with people I just plain hate on here.

There's even some of my friends I know that only care about having rich people, or just have popularity in general.

It just makes me think that eventually they'll end up backstabbing me or I'm just another person who's just "used."

It wouldn't be the first time that something similar like that would happen.
That's probably why I seem insecure about talking to some of my friends, I know not all of them would do that but I had my 'suspicions' on a lot of them.

Other than that there are times where I feel left out because I know that I'm "different" since most of my friends are the opposite gender of me.

There is that communication gap that never disappears and sometimes I ask myself, why do I stay with these people? But it's always answered by "because they need you as much as you need them even if it doesn't show."


Secrets

Everyone has secrets to tell and I know I do it's the damn internet. I did manage to tell tell my close friends about my secrets but only "some" were trustworthy enough to keep it.

If I didn't tell you anything and if I were to now, then how differently would I be viewed?
That's the question that's asked every time I have something to tell but it's stopped by fear.

Problems

I'm not the brightest person in the world, I admit I do come online all emo-ing then I do other stuff on here to keep my mind off of it.

People do ask me what's wrong, but rarely I answer the question.
Reason is that:

1) It's not your business

2) You're faking the fact that you actually give a crap

3) I rather just forget about it and you should too

4) I want to talk about it but I can't find the right words for it

There are times where I just keep my mouth shut and go do other stuff, if you do care then it would be cause I don't want you to think about it.
But thoughts always haunt me, and it never goes away til I let it out properly.

Side Thoughts

I really don't know what I want to do with my life.
My talent is not something that performable but it's still something that can be shown.

I want to be out there, but where exactly?

It's just many things in so little time.

Sometimes I wonder why I get so depressed. I'm pretty sure it's just things popping back up and then going away.

Confusion

I'm not open about it but there are some people I like on here, but I'm not going to say. Secrets are secure.

But I'm a straight forward person, if someone were to ask me who I liked I would tell them.

I truly don't care about my sexuality as much, I just only want "someone" to be at my side who has a great personality, mature, caring, talented, who I can talk to.

Boy or girl as long as their special to me.

I don't fear my sexuality, I may not be open but I have the guts to admit it.

People do make fun of me because of this but I really don't care as much.

"Men can be handsome and women can be beautiful.
Men can be rough and women can be soft.
Men can be funny and women can be mature.
Men can be douche bags women can be whores. "

It could also be the other way around.
Also I hate it when you tell someone your bi and they're straight they'll say "Okay but don't go hitting on me and junk."

Idiots Bi or Gay people aren't stupid, they have brains. Unless you openly present yourself at a bar with a sign on your head saying "Come and get me sugar."
Or something gay like that then "YES" you would be getting a gay or bi person to hit on you.

That's basically setting yourself up as bait but another reason would be that you may be unattractive.

Not to be offensive but most Gay/Bi people tend to look a bit more attractive when they're out in public.

To clear these thoughts

I drew a picture cause I was bored, one of my friend's made fun of it though cause they were watching me starting it off.

To be honest I'm very insecure about my drawings everytime I draw something they always end up changing and I redo them.

I found a col-erase pencil that's like an erasable colored pencil and I think it's grown to me more than using a mechanical pencil to draw.

It's got nudity and it's yaoi-ish so don't go on about clicking on it and then bitching cause here's your warning.

Anyways [here's the picture I drew of basically Sage Naruto and Hawk Sasuke. I only saw 1 picture of both of them so I decided to draw another one to add in the group that will soon come.]

It is originally drawn in light blue with the colored pencil thing but yeah as you can see it looks like utter crap cause I adjusted it on photoshop and the effect on there barely hid my smudges.

Oh well this is probably one of the first yaoi pictures I drew in ages.

Doubt there will be another one in a couple of ages but overall this was a result of my depression and it had a cheery effect.

Other than that I'm done with my semi-rantage.

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